C5 Presents The Worlds Most Boring Survival Advice – Also The Very Best

With your host, Category5 and a surprise Guest Post by Bison Prepper


“The amateurs discuss tactics: the professionals discuss logistics.” – Napoleon Bonaparte


“ ‘What goes into someone’s mouth does not make them unclean or defile them. It is what comes out of their mouth that defiles them.’ Then the disciples came to Him and said, ‘Are you aware the Pharisees ( religious conservative leaders ) were offended when they hear your words’.    “If a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit’”. – Mathew 15


*( News update… but it is old news.  “more than 60,000 hectares of crops have been severely or partially affected and 18,000 hectares have turned unusable” downtoearth.org.in ……which is why I am doing this post. Anthropomorphic climate chaos doesn’t mean palm trees in Canada. It doesn’t mean new farmland can be planted in the north. It means Crop destruction. It means food shortages. It means a lot of small scale farmers that fed themselves and sold their extra to make small amounts of money have no more money coming in…. AND can’t feed themselves…for at least a year…or forever if it is “turned unusable” without a complete rebuild. It means a new round of climate refugees, fleeing TO the cities (another subject). It means a general reduction of everyone’s lifestyle and the unpredictable flashpoints that go along with that fear, trauma and resentment. It is not one event. Growing your own food source is the most important job you can do, but even more important than most important, and the place you need to start, is substantial food storage . To buffer you when this happens and keep you fed…for at least a year…because those storms are coming. Did you think Jesus was going to put a special magic umbrella over you and your garden because you are special? So lets recap. Global warming doesnt mean nicer winters. It means wetter wet, drier dry, colder cold, firyer fire, frostier frosts, hailier hail, windier winds, poorer poverty and desperatier desperation. It means untrustworthy crops and eventually, alot of dead people…sooooo….we are going to talk about the simplest and cheapest food storage…but before we get there…..)

(Also, this is pretty much a short book here)


Now, I might want to be the “Archer” of the prepper world but if you have been reading my previous posts you will notice, I feel more like the Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency. Albeit a hairier and scarier version. The C5 School of Holistic Survivalism.

I have some very complex, near impossible plans to pull off before I die. My master plan I’m trying to flesh out.

But in reality, I sort of stumble though life like a drunkard ( often not “Like” a drunkard) and really weird things happen to me. I’m not very linear. I get distracted by shiny things and really only do what interests me at the moment. Strangely, this works for me and often leads me into grand adventures simply because I am willing to go. I’ve learned that if things seem really weird and surreal, Its best to just flow with it. Bad Choices make Great Stories.

Like being here in South America for a year. It seemed like a really bad idea. The whole mysterious interview process, security checks, training and the Canadian government paying a substantial chunk of the tab was so surreal… I just let go and decided to flow with this crazy plan. Did they not know, I am the absolute weirdest choice to send some place to represent Canada. Patriotism to me is at best a humorous joke… and idolatry at worst. Just because my mother shat me past her cervix on this particular rock doesn’t mean I owe anybody anything. I don’t recall signing any social contract. I haven’t said an oath since coming to the legal age of consent. Even if I had, I would consider it an “ Unconscionable Contract” thus, null and void. If you can sign away your life by simply saying the words “I pledge allegiance to…” you can also call bullshit and if it helps, you can also say, “I divorce thee. I divorce thee. I divorce thee”, walk around in a circle three times, and consider the contract done. My Honour is much more valuable to me than any oath. If you are the type of person that needs Religious authority to take a shit, see the quote at the top of the page then switch to jesus’s words on oaths.   Matthew 5:33-37. Let me throw in the encouraging words “Repent” for dramatic effect. The “OathKeeper” movement is such a funny joke to me and is a prime example of how governments manipulate the drones, the worker bees…and how it comes back to bite them. I’m only bringing this up for my future post on the history and failure of the survivalist and amalgamated prepper movements and its collapse.

I don’t stand and salute when the golden calf flag is hoisted nor sing Oh Canada amongst the mob. Let me tell you, You are going to need a big set of brass balls to be a free man in a crowd of nation worshipers.

Yah. It aint me.


O.K. I got abit distracted there…and now have to watch my view count drop. Something about NGOs and paranoia…oh ya….

I kept expecting someone in a trench coat to walk up to me and say, “Your country needs you. Fulfill your patriotic duty. Now take this package”. That situation would end very badly. Consider the rage filled wallet  non theft incident.

Well, it turns out, nothing so sinister. I now understand that this is more, Canadian Guilt Money. They send educated specialist volunteers to make up for some of the Vile ecological destruction, resource exploitation and poisoning of the ecosystem and people, they are up to down here. I don’t think many canadians understand we are doing this in “developing countries”….Evil Canadian bad guys with curly mustaches.


Oh look. A shiny bit of mylar lined plastic. Nasty stuff….


I had a plan. It was a very good plan. I have some guest posts coming. The legendary Survival Acres has given me permission to repost the entire epic rant series, “The Fallacy of Bugging Out” to save it for posterity.

But the logical, or at least circular logic choice was to be a short guest post by my good friend Flight Medic, a Best of the Best guy on survival antibiotics. Considering my “Lethal diarrhea of  the apocalypse ” story, how could it not be.

But as I was taking a walk yesterday, coming back from watching Wonder Woman (Shwing!), my subconscious was pestering me with shiny things. It was saying, “ C5, you bumbling fool. Do the Wheat Storage post”….” Buzz off Subconscious. I’m busy. It Doesn’t fit here. Now go away or I will drown you in alcohol”…. “ C5,Your writing is very theoretical, requires massive life change and will discourage the newbies, the unprepared and the under prepared preppers, which, lets face it, is about 98% of them. How about something easy, cheap and practical that will actually save their lives. Non Insane Survivalism 101 For Dummies”.

Against my better judgement, my subconscious won that fight.



I think half my viewers came from Bison Prepper and I want to do him a solid….Oh, not a solid like my previous post. Semantics. You know what I mean. If you came here from there, you may find this post boring as you have already read it recently. But I highly recommend reading it again until it clicks and you are stacking sacks of wheat. Maybe even print this one out on solid paper.

Because He Gets It!….and so should you…if you ever want to get out of Prepper Preschool Playtime.

This is where you should start before doing anything else.

If you only do one act of Preparedness for a rapidly changing world of “Resource Depletion, Climate Chaos, Economic Contraction and Social Destabilization” THIS IS IT.

If you get bored and never do any other preparation again, this is the one that will actually keep you and your family alive and it gets a BIG C5 seal of approval.

Now, Bison Prepper says some things that don’t represent me in the slightest but in this case, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. In my 40 years of focusing on this subject (That’s Right. I started preparing for this Malthusian nightmare at age 10 when my undeveloped mind first grasped how the mathematical, exponential growth function worked. I guess I was just ahead of the curve. Pun intended), Bison Prepper is Quite literally THE FIRST person I have found that grasps what I believe about Poverty Based Prepping. Prepping that even the poorest north amerikan person can do and that the middle class preppers SHOULD be doing but aren’t. He is the first well known prepper to get that all these other expensive preps that others get exited about are actually putting them at a SEVER disadvantage. Read That Line Again. These are robbing you of the essential resources that could be put towards proven things that almost guarantee your survival… if you could just ditch 95%  of the advice from “ Survival Experts”. The people he regularly calls “ Yuppy Scum Survivalists, and , Gun Fags”. Wow. He is even less subtle than I am. I have finally found an ally  in my Don Quixote like jousting of douche bag windmills.


C5 Rule of Survival #1- There is no such thing as a Prepper Expert. Anyone claiming to be is just trying to SELL you something, whether that is a product, service, political or religious position….Trust Me. I write a blog about it that you will want to donate to…

C5 Rule of Survival #2- Never trust anyone that says, “Trust Me”….

Make up your own damned mind…and do  your Due Diligence. As con artists say, “You can’t cheat an honest man”.


Bison Prepper gives a very short and sweet sum up of Esther Dickeys  and others work. …which is going to make it easy for you to store for future use.

I have been hauling around a copy of Passport To Survival by Esther D since my teen years. It is one of the very few books in my “ I must never lose this under any circumstances” collection. I even hauled it with me on my crossing the Rocky Mountains Evac Bike ride mentioned in a prior post.

….And then I lost it in my first divource. I eventually found a tattered copy in a box of used books and wont lose it again. This advice comes directly from the Mormons as they are the go to experts on all things Food Storage as food storage is part of their very bizarre religion, Sort of like Sikhs charity work of feeding anyone in need. They are “generally” nice people in spite of the magic underwear and have called me a Jack Mormon (non practicing mormon) on more than one occasion. I now reply that I am more of a Jack Daniels Mormon.


Most importantly Bison Prepper Lives what he preaches about cheap assed prepping. He eats his wheat supplies as regular cheep assed food. This cheap assed eating improves his life, freedom and survival. It is his first line of defence.

For me, It is my last line of defence…so mine is additionally stored in sealed Mylar with about 3 cheap assed dollar store, hand warmers tossed in to act as oxygen burners, as well as the buckets to protect the Mylar from puncture or rodents. These buckets hold up our rather high guest bed.

Wheat stores so long because each kernel already has its own packaging to protect it from oxygen. In fact, Archeologists have been able to sprout wheat taken out of Egyptian tombs because it was the right combination of protection from oxygen and moisture while keeping it cool and not touched by the sun….which means if you do it right, it can be passed on to your kids.

In fact, I will throw in a bonus, C5 Exclusive survival technique. I call it Poor Mans Mylar.

Recycle the large gallon pickle jars from delis or sandwich shops. You want to use the ones with the lids in the best condition as they are the weak spot  because people loosen them by hitting them with a knife. Glass is air proof where as plastic buckets are air permeable and even the best sealed oxygen purged  bucket will equalise with the outside air within 5 years. Add your wheat kernels, rice or beans then boil the lids to soften the rubber seals. Add a cheap dollar store hand warmer as an oxygen burner. Dry the lid as quickly as possible and tighten hard on the lid. If within 24 to 48 hours, the button on the lid doesn’t pop down, That means it didn’t seal properly. So repeat or accept the seal is no good and use these for sort term, 5 years max, items in the kitchen to keep bugs and mice out of your valuable dry goods.

As a bonus, these don’t off gas plastic chemicals. You can paint these to keep sun damage out  or, better still, putt in a cardboard box with cardboard dividers to keep the glass jars from banging against each other. Now store in a cool, dry part of the house that doesn’t freeze/ thaw. It should last until the species goes extinct or until the lid rusts through…..

I know this works because I opened one and with the introduction of oxygen, the hand warmer began to throw a tiny bit of heat again.

So, without further ado Bison Prepper on EATING WHEAT. Fire up your printer or cut and paste to a file. And yes, he has given me permission to reproduce his articles instead of just putting an impersonal link that could be attached to any weird cause he may disapprove of.




HOW TO EAT WHEAT BOOK       By Bison Prepper


Here is your practical concise guide on how to eat wheat.  Not just the obvious way of throwing berries into the grinder and making flour and then bread or pancakes, but all the various  ways and means of preparing to give you so much variety you will never look at other sad and pathetic grains with anything other than sneering displeasure.  Wheat is the staff of life.  It is your every meal base calories, it is affordable, it stores literally forever and it just tastes good ( if you have been a life long white flour eater, you won’t believe how much better whole wheat tastes.  Slowly introduce whole into your white flour recipes, adding more each time.  After you get used to the different taste you’ll crave whole and eat a lot less white.  No need to give up white bread, in some things like pasta or French bread white tastes so much better.  But you will probably find you enjoy whole wheat in a LOT of dishes ).  Most of this information comes from two invaluable books, “Live On Wheat” by John Hill and “Passport To Survival” by Esther Dickey.  “Passport” is almost forty years old and the new edition is going for insane prices, but they printed a LOT of the older ones and you should find reasonably priced copies.  I’d highly recommend both for your library.



Sprouting wheat will not only keep you alive, as plain flour after a time will kill you from lack of vitamins and other nutrients only produce provides, it can also eliminate less severe allergies you might have from eating wheat.  If someone thinks they can’t eat wheat, try them on a few sprouts.  Sprouts don’t grind well in a grain grinder.  All that moisture will probably rust out the thing unless you are coating the parts with oil ( and you can ONLY use a metal burr grinder, not a stone one ).  A meat grinder works well for grinding sprouts, or you just cook it into other dishes without grinding.  You can dry the sprouts and then grind it, but while you’ve gained the sugars you’ve lost a lot of the vitamins.  If you are living on wheat, sprouting must be a daily part of that diet.  You can sprout a little and choke them down, or throw them into a low temperature bread ( call Essence Bread-covered right after this ).  Or, just use sprouted wheat in recipes calling for wheat flour.  You kill some of the vitamins but not all.  Either way, eat your sprouts!



Soak your wheat berries in water overnight.  Drain and place in a sprouting jar.  The near universal one is a glass Mason canning jar.  Now you need a breathable lid.  I hate cheese cloth, myself, and prefer a screen, or you can use a pair of nylons, but whichever. Your sprouts need to breath.  Now you need to rinse them three or four times a day.  Placing the jar on its side seems to work better.  Once they are from an eighth to a quarter inch long, and taste sweet, they are done.  That usually takes from two to four days depending on temperature, which, if too low needs to be increased.  If you need to, place jars of hot water alongside the sprout jars in an insulated container.  You don’t want sunlight for spouting.  And that is about how easy it is.  It is so easy that if you don’t sprout you are kind of a moron.  You shouldn’t even be stocking wheat to try to survive.  Anyway, once you get your sprouts you’ll be eating them as raw as possible every day.  They alone are probably lacking in ALL the nutrients you need but they are a damn Skippy close enough effort you need to make anyway.



This is an easy bread that uses low temperatures to retain almost all the fresh sprout vitamins.  Take your sprouts and grind into a paste ( you don‘t have to put them through a grain grinder, just mash them up ).  Wet your hands and kneed to remove air pockets and then shape into very thin circular loaves.  The ancient method was to place in the sun all day, turning the loaf over at noon ( start at sunrise, done at sunset ).  To use an oven, grease a cookie sheet and cook on low 180-200 for around two hours.  Press on the bottom and if it springs back it is done.  They come out soft and gooey but will firm up on cooling.  You can experiment with a solar oven but I would imagine you need to do so WITHOUT the reflectors or it will get too hot.  You can also make regular bread this way.  Just add a one to five ratio of flour to spout paste, a sweetener and yeast and bake at 300 for 45 minutes, after you’ve prepared as in normal bread.  Adding dried fruit would change the taste of the sprouts.


For sprouted sourdough bread, the ratio is one to four, flour to wheat sprouts, with one of sourdough starter ( covered later ), the time and temp baking the same as sprout bread.  For biscuits, two sprouts to one and a half flour.  Add one teaspoon baking powder for each one sprouts or flour, a smidge of salt and about one half tablespoon oil or butter per cup of sprout or flour.  Make dough balls and put on a sheet and bake 15 minutes at 400.  For sprouted pancakes, one and a quarter flour to one sprouts to one liquid, baking powder and sweetener and cook as a regular pancake.  For a hot spouted gruel ( think Cream Of Wheat ), take your spouted wheat kernels and add sweetener and a pinch of salt, amount of milk to taste and boil for a few minutes until soft.  Anything you can make with flour you can make with spouted wheat.  Just remember to include some fresh uncooked sprouts in your daily diet, or as much as possible.  If your body begins to crave fresh vegetables the taste of sprouts suddenly ceases to be an issue ( until your body no longer needs it and then they go back to tasting nasty, if that was the case at the beginning ).  Otherwise just keep putting a good portion of sprouts in to be cooked recipes.  The takeaway here is that you can sprout not only for health but to reduce the amount of fuel needed to make a bread.  The hot desert sun was all that was needed, even without modern solar oven materials ( that just helps ).  That is a nice Fun Filled Fact.


Part 2


I highly recommend a wheat grinder of course, but you don’t absolutely need one.  In fact, not needing one used to be the only way to avoid paying your local liege another tax as he forbade personal grain milling and charged you to use his.  Not that you paid as much tax back then in total, today’s sales tax alone in most states being a third of your total tax back then.  But not everyone is going to have a grinder because they were too busy buying AR clips instead.  So cooking without a grinder is a good skill set.  Sprouted wheat berries don’t need to be cooked.  Just sprouting them makes them edible.  The texture is close to cooked wheat.  To cook the berries, soak overnight.  Now boil until it swells and becomes soft, a process no different than cooking rice, really.  You can serve this way in place of rice dishes in a meal, the taste kinda close to brown rice ( if as “kinda” you mean how soy “kinda” tastes like meat ).  To make Thermos cooked wheat, soak overnight and then bring to a boil and throw in the Thermos for a few hours.  You’ll need to experiment with this, you might need to keep at a boil for a few minutes, or not.  If you have a pressure cooker you are on easy street.  A layer of wheat, followed by water above the wheat to the same height ( if one inch of wheat, fill water to one inch above wheat ), cook until the little pressure toggle deal chirps and remove from heat.  Allow to sit until it depressurizes and by then it is cooked.  Open and serve.


You can make popped wheat, similar to popcorn but not like wheat puffs you see in the cereal section of the supermarket ( which are inexpensive and a fun/easy way to introduce the family to whole wheat.  I wouldn’t recommend them with milk, per se, but just munching on dry or drizzling with melted butter for a movie snack they are tasty.  I’d even consider carrying them rather than GORP or granola if you don’t like those tastes.  They are a bit bulky but taste better than a lot of whole wheat foods and can be eaten on the go ).  Just add your wheat berries to a VERY hot skillet and make like popcorn.  No oil is needed.  The roasted/parched berries can be eaten as is.  So, for cooking wheat without a grinder you have sprouts, sprout paste bread ( essence bread ), gruel, rice substitute or popped kernels.



All the details of buying wheat, storing it, adding beans for complete protein, grinders and the like are at the end of this book.  Those are subjects I’ve covered many times before and don’t take precedence here.  Let’s move on to bachelor food, wheat items that a typically clumsy male flailing about in the kitchen can easily accomplish.  My favorite is flat bread.  Think of it as a tortilla, but with whole wheat rather than white flour and without lard.  If you like white tortillas they are rather filling and if plastic wrapped well easily last a year in the fridge so they can be a good “bug-in” easy food for the initial die-off phase.  But flat bread is super deluxe yummy and filling and much healthier.  I ate them for lunch every workday for years at a heavy labor job, which is how good they are filling you up and giving you energy ( and being very easy on the food budget ).  You take your flour and add as little water as possible.  You don’t want them moist but as dry as possible while still forming a dough you can roll.


Take the dough rolled in balls ( you’ll figure out how big after you make a few and see if they fit into your pan ) and dust with flour and roll flat with the board and the rolling pin dusted in flour.  Keep turning over and rolling until you get it as thin as you can.  Then, with your dry skillet so hot a drop of water dances on it, you throw in your flat dough.  Every thirty seconds or a minute you’ll be turning the bread.  The idea is to minimize the charcoal black spots.  Don’t worry, you’ll easily figure out a rhythm.  Have all your dough ready to go, if stacked dust with flour between each one to avoid sticking, cooking one after another.  You can squeeze the bread and tell if it is fully cooked or still doughy-and it doesn’t take all that long.  How many do you want for a meal?  A quarter cup of flour is 100 calories, and you’ll be adding butter ( and remember that whole wheat is filling ).  After about 400-600 calories in wheat alone, I’m usually past done masticating and full.  But of course, YMMV.


As insanely tasty and addicting as flat bread is, you’ll usually spend an hour or two each week rolling and cooking and cleaning dried dough from every surface ( a failing in most wheat cooking ) and sometimes the extra taste treat isn’t worth the effort.  If this is the case you can make Nuke Bread much easier.  I invented this by happy accident when I didn’t want to buy my lunch one day and the break room had a bag of flour in it and nothing else.  I dumped some flour in a coffee cup, added water to a waffle batter consistency and spread the thing on a disposable plate and kept nuking until it looked done ( usually three minutes ), then flipped it over and cooked again.  It tasted like crap compared to flat bread but there was near zero prep time and no clean up.  I continued this practice for years at my last job, as I was living off grid and didn’t want to use my propane for cooking, and ate nuke bread every workday breakfast and lunch.


As I said, it doesn’t taste great.  I ate while driving in between picking up donations so my mind was elsewhere other than the taste.  The reason it tastes bad is because the moisture.  So here is a better method that takes a little longer and is a bit messier but radically improves on taste.  Take your flour, I usually do a half cup per bread, and add exactly one half that amount in water ( in my case, a quarter cup ).  In that bowl, use a fork to get all the flour wet.  It barely sticks together.  Place on a ceramic plate and spread out with the fork.  Nuke one minute on each side for soft bread, one and a half for harder.  Two minutes to a side usually burns part of it and makes it almost too hard to chew without worrying about dental work.  When you turn it you’ll need a spatula as it sticks.  And that is it.  It feels moist and gooey after a minute per side but as it cools ( keep off a flat surface to avoid condensation-I usually rest it on the electric stove coil ) the consistency improves.  As with flat bread, keep in the fridge until the morning you’ll take it to lunch.


Part 3


Bread making is easy in theory but requires practice to make an edible product.  A simple bread is two and a half cups flour, three quarters cup water, and yeast.  Kneed that bad boy for five to ten minutes ( great exercise ), then let rise until doubled in size.  Throw it in for 45 minutes at 300.  Now, whether that makes a good loaf is contingent on the coarseness of the flour ( finer rises more ), the protein content and the effectiveness of the yeast.  You can wire mesh sieve the flour and keep the coarser flour for a flat bread.  Try to use winter red rather than spring or winter white for better protein.  And add sugar if possible.  Otherwise, make a malt for your sweetener.  Take wheat sprouts and dry them thoroughly, then grind.  One quarter teaspoon per loaf of bread of that powder is a great boost for your yeast.  Baking bread that is fluffier and tastier is an art, and shan’t be covered here.  This is basic wheat eating, not teaching of a craft or an art.  Damn, just read a few recipes and practice.  What’s the worst that happens?  Make dried bread for a trail food with the failed loaves.


Yeast bread baked, sliced and then dried makes a great food for on the go.  It tastes much better than hardtack and won’t kill your teeth.  But, if you desire, hardtack takes up less room and lasts longer than fresh bread by having less moisture.  Make a stiff dough, roll as thin as possible on a cookie sheet and cut into squares.  Then poke the hell out of it with a fork.  All those holes allow a more uniform cooking and get more moisture out.  Cook in a hot oven until crisp.


To cook in cast iron breads otherwise cooked in an oven, get hot enough for that dancing drop of water in the oiled pan, and place bread in, adjusting heat down and when a fork poked in the middle comes out without dough you are done.  To cook dough over a campfire, take a stick and make your dough a long roll like a pretzel and wind it around the stick.  Roast over coals, not flame, as you would a hot dog.  Bread roll on a stick.



Sourdough is the yeast of choice for the survivalist as it is homegrown rather than commercial.  If you have a small amount of commercial yeast in your fridge, and then use that to start your sourdough culture from that, you make the whole process easier.

( also, to substitute baking powder when your commercial supply is used up, try the old Indian method.  Take fresh dry sifted wood ashes and use in place of the baking powder.  Obviously, don’t use ashes from any burned manufactured items, such as treated wood or plastics or other trash )

Then you just add the yeast to an equal amount of flour and warm water ( say, two cups of each ) and let sit in a warm spot overnight and you then have sourdough starter.  That starter is added in half amounts to flour and water ( 1 cup starter, 2 cups each flour and water ) for bread and then replace the flour and water you took out of the starter to get it back up to the original volume the next morning.


If you can’t keep this starter refrigerated ( say, in a root cellar ) AFTER you’ve allowed the yeast to grow overnight, you can always dry the starter for storage.  Sometimes you can find wild yeast on wild fruits and berries such as the pioneers did.  They had a white film on them that was a wild yeast.  To get an airborne yeast, do the following.  Take two cups flour and two cups warm water with two teaspoons of honey.  Mix well and leave uncovered in a warm room.  Stir several times a day for five days after which you should have a wild yeast starter.  Treat as sourdough starter to replenish after use.  Store with a cover.  The initial exposure was to capture airborne spores.  Shake often, stored in the fridge.



Fake meat from wheat ( rather than soy, if you don’t have any ).  Take seven cups of flour and two cups of cold water.  Make into dough and then beat the hell out of it for ten minutes.  Like kneading for bread but as hard as you can.  Cover the dough in cold water and allow to sit for an hour.  Then, using hot water pour over the dough which rests in a sieve while kneading to extract the starch.  Capture this milky water and use in stew or soup stock or liquid for bread recipes.  Otherwise you are throwing away nutrients.  Continue until water runs clear.  Without a running tap it might be harder.  Just place in a bowl with as hot of water as you can stand and kneed, until you get clear water.  Keep the milky, toss the clear.  The dough you now have can be rolled and baked and is now a meat substitute, but without flavor just like soy.  From there you cook with it as you would TVP or dried soy chunks.  If it still tastes too much like wheat and not enough like meat, instead of  baking ( usually an hour or so on 300 ), simmer in salt water for another hour.  You then have a moist chunk of fake meat to add to recipes.  The moisture in the gluten improves the taste and the simmering alters the components chemistry.


If you’ve ever eaten soy you know how it is a nice meat substitute but without taste.  I’ve eaten beef flavored soy jerky which would have merited its inclusion in my storage foods, or even as a off grid vegetarian diet ( no fridge, freezer or canning ) it tasted so good.  Alas, they loaded that sucker with salt, and you need to know if they process the soy properly so as to exclude those estrogen mimicking chemicals ( as well as release the proteins for the bodies assimilation ).  So, if you can get wheat gluten to closely approximate the soy’s performance, and can get beef/chicken/pork flavoring without the salt, you’ve got a great menu enhancer.  I personally had zero luck making the Wheat Meat.  I had three sources for the recipe, none of which were dissimilar.  So either I really screwed up or the original process copied from was flawed.  Supposedly this is an oriental diet staple so it has been done.  I would strongly suggest trying this today and not after the collapse.  Mine tasted so foul I threw away two pints of flour ( and I hate to waste anything ).


Part 4


The last sections taught you how to cook wheat berries without using a grinder.  Spout bread, regular bread, flatbread, homemade yeast, cooking in the oven, solar oven, campfire, in cast iron.  You don’t need an individual recipe for a pancake.  You wait for the forming bubbles to pop and close and then flip it over to continue cooking.  Cooking with wheat is easy.  Crepes and popover muffins are just pancake batter with a bit of extra liquid and specialty bake wear.  A muffin is just pancake batter thickened with added ingredients and baked in its own special tin.  A biscuit is just a dry pancake in a compressed space.  Flatbread is just bread without yeast.  Every bread or wheat recipe is fundamentally the same.  The water or yeast added varies, as does the shape and cooking time, but once you have the basics you can experiment and increase your recipes.  Taste fatigue is a real issue ( even if it is usually more pronounced at the same meal, literally triggering your perception of fullness ), which is why you pick a grain you love to eat every day.  Altering the texture of the same grain tricks the mind into accepting eating the same food ( it is a species survival trait to seek and crave a variety of food ).


So, while the first section seemed rather short, the fundamentals are rather simple and once you grasp them you can easily expand your recipes yourself.  Everything that follows is more on the logistics of storage foods rather than the recipes for wheat.  The simplest way to buy wheat is to go down to your Wal-Mart and see if they have an Emergency Food section.  A 26 pound bucket of hard red wheat from Augason Farms is $17.  If they don’t stock it, just order online and get it delivered to that store for you to pick-up.  You might have to place a minimum order like $50 or similar.  If you are an Amazon Prime member, they have free shipping AND a reduced price just for you of the exact same brand of wheat in a bucket.  And usually a buck cheaper than Wally.  However, that is not the CHEAPEST way to buy wheat.


The cheapest is from the farmer himself, or from a wholesaler, but those options are limited geographically.  The next cheapest is if you have a Feed Store nearby.  Not some Yuppie gentrified dump that sells organic dog food for $50 a bag, but a place that sells hay for your horses.  A Feed And Grain Store.  They usually have whole kernel ( NOT split, or cracked ) wheat for people feeding it to their chickens.  You want, preferably, red winter wheat rather than white winter or white spring ( lower protein, makes worse bread ), but take what you can get.  It needs to be untreated.  NO vet medicine on it.  If it doesn’t state it is treated you should be okay, but when you open the bag and it is a red color ( rather than a natural brown ) then you know it has been treated.  I just paid $11 a fifty pound bag for a mere twenty two cents a pound.  Online is sixty-five cents, although that is already in a bucket.  Your own bucket doubles the cost but that still brings feed store wheat to a mere half the cost of Wally or Amazon wheat.


Personally, I wouldn’t care what wheat costs as long as I got it.  Even a buck a pound is still darn cheap food insurance.  Although, obviously, the cheaper it is the more you can buy and the longer your storage food lasts which means you live longer.  I wouldn’t dally, dink about or hesitate.  Crop failures and the coming Waterfall Collapse mean you could, with ZERO warning, see a repeat of the Great ‘08 Rice Shortage when the shelves were bare for months.  Buy in times of plenty and low price, and buy in a panic, to beat the real one.




If you are really poor, you can beg, borrow and steal two liter pop bottles for wheat storage.  Two equal a gallon so nine to ten will equal a five gallon bucket.  Don’t stack them too high to avoid rupturing the ones on the bottom.  As you need four hundred pounds of wheat a year for a bare bones Better Than Nothing food storage plan, you need twelve buckets per year or 120 pop bottles.  You can buy buckets and lids from bakeries ( or better yet BBQ restaurants as everyone is in competition for the bakery ones ) usually at a buck or two each.  Or, you buy Home Depot buckets and lids for $15 a set ( a set of three holds an even 100 pounds of wheat ).  There is a question of toxicity from the buckets.  Although looking at the bottom of the bucket you see a “2” in a triangle symbol, denoting food grade, not all food grade buckets are created equal, and a Home Depot bucket is NOT the same as a bakery bucket.  Personally, I use them as I would rather die later of cancer than now of starvation.  But I also found that if you place the bucket in the sun, it starts sticking bad of chemicals.  It stands to reason that if kept OUT of the sun at all times you minimize if not eliminate the out-gassing hazard.


You will need to put Diatomaceous Earth in your stored wheat berries ( berries, kernels, same thing, the whole seed of wheat ) to kill all insects.  I don’t recommend freezing, even with a block of dry ice.  A cup of DE in a five gallon bucket of wheat is standard.  Seal, roll around to coat everything.  You need food grade DE.  Do NOT use the stuff they use in pool filters or sell as insecticide.  If it isn’t labeled food grade, do not use.  Food grade, you can eat the stuff.  It is only a mineral and only kills insects, not humans or pets.  It is expensive shipped through the mail, so try to get it at the feed store or a health food store.  But even double the price online, it is cheap enough.  If you buy wheat and store it yourself, rather than buying in a container from a manufacture, you need to treat your wheat against insects for storage, and DE is the easiest surest way to go.


Part 5


The Classic Four foods for storage are wheat, milk, salt and honey.  There is a very good reason these are optimal.  Milk is an animal protein, which is good ( non-fat is what stores well, so you’ll also need a fat source such as shortening.  And honey is so friggin expensive-plus potentially compromised in quality due to fake stuff from China-you might as well stick with white table sugar ).  If you don’t store milk, or do want to increase your food variety, you can include beans as your protein source.  A combination of grain and legume creates a complete protein comparable to meat.  Now, beans are no longer inexpensive.  One year there was a supposed freeze in California and suddenly dry beans went up 50-100% in price.  And never came back down ( I think that was just indicative of California ceasing to be the legendary ag center of the US-Mexico is now shipping us a LOT of our produce-both because of water shortages and overpopulation ).  It is cheaper many times to buy meat rather than beans.  But meat doesn’t store as easy.


You will NOT digest beans if you don’t cook them properly first.  In fact, it you eat them that way you’ll actually lose MORE nutrients.  Grind the beans, roast the bean flour, THEN use in cooking ( like you are making a refried bean dip ).  Or pressure cook.  Or soak overnight then slow cook all day.  Old beans don’t cook well, if at all, but you have your super duper grinder to force those little bastards to become edible.  A pressure cooker is a great tool to invest in anyway, just to save on energy costs today, but if you are planning on it for the apocalypse either buy a multitude of replacement gaskets or spend the extra to buy a gasket-less type.



Every swinging cheese dingus Yuppie Scum Survivalist Guru out there, ever the compliant advertiser pimp, will tell you that you need a $300 grain grinder.  And preferably one that can be motorized.  Hogwash.  Not only do you need a manual grinder for its fail safe feature of NOT being motorized, you need multiple units.  And you can’t afford that at $300 a pop.  A simple unit IS a bit of an exercise to use, but if you are so enfeebled that you are unable to turn a manual grain grinder I submit to you that you won’t survive long enough to eat much wheat anyway.  Just buy a few cans of freeze dried food and stock up on ammunition so as to be able to take down as many mouth breathing Useless Eaters as possible to help out the rest of the survivors long term, and plan on dying early.  Hell, you don’t need to grind it all at once.  How about before each meal?  If there are a lot of mouths, how about some help you grind?  Spending extra isn’t always the best way to solve a problem ( another poor lesson learned from the military ).


Corona brand mills have been around forever.  I used one in my youth making flour for mom to turn into the weeks supply of bread.  They were made in Mexico and are nothing so much as a chunk of iron plated for longevity, sold to poor peasants for grinding their corn.  Today, the brand is “Victoria” and is made in Columbia, but is basically the exact same thing.  Because it is made for corn rather than wheat, wheat must be ground three times rather than once.  Once on “course” ( plates further apart ), once of “medium” ( inbetween ) and last on “fine” ( plates closed so they touch, then screwed apart slightly to avoid metal on metal wear and tear and the consequent metal shavings in the meal ).  The first grind is actually the hardest then gets easier.  It is a good work out, but doable.  These units are around $40 at Amazon and I’d own one per two years worth of wheat, three at the most.  You don’t JUST own one rifle, right?  That is your defense.  Well, a grain grinder is how you eat all that wheat.  Yes, you can prepare wheat without a grinder, but having one doubles or triples your menu options and you need help combating taste fatigue.  Get multitudes of grinders.  One should last a lifetime if not allowed to rust ( if it does, throw some vegetable oil on it ), but you need to account for rust, theft, back-up and Murphy’s Law.


Never stockpile rice just because it doesn’t need a grinder.  One, it is a White food which are empty calories and need supplementation.  Two, it is twice the price of whole wheat ( you must NEVER store brown rice.  EVER!!!!!!  Anyone who tells you this is NOT a survival expert.  Brown rice goes rancid VERY quick due to the oil in its outer shell.  That is why Ornamentals store and eat white rice.  It stores a long time, even in humid climates ).  Only store rice if that is your Daily Grain by preference ( and you have access to that supplement food ).  A grain grinder is a very simple tool to use.  And affordable.  And no where near as scary as the “only the rich deserve to survive” experts preach.  They seem to think that all manual labor will induce a heart attack and kill you.  I say, if you can’t use a grinder now, get in shape so you can later.  And while you can introduce the family to whole wheat by buying store bought flour, the stuff simply doesn’t taste as great as when you grind it yourself.


The Victoria will NOT produce a fine baby powder like flour unless you sieve out the larger chunks, using those in another dish and keeping the fine powder for bread.  I prefer the course flour it produces, and the fresh taste.  If the family is being indoctrinated into eating whole wheat, start with store bought and add lots of white flour at first.  Work your way up to fresh and course.  By then they should crave it.  And that should be sufficient for all your wheat needs.  Enjoy.




Thank you Bison Prepper.