C5 says, Merry Fucking Ho Ho. I Got 99 Awesome Apocalypse Adaptions- Go Small Or Go Home- 99 Problems, Part III.

 

HOBBIT DOC

With your host, Category5. And special guests, Mythos and Logos. Not them personally… but the works of their hands. Photos galore.

I wanted to get this out before you forgot about them. This is a, ‘The proof is in the puddin’ sort of post….with much, much, much to learn. When I am finally back in cana’duh for good, I plan on smoking a big bowl, something I rarely do because it makes me paranoid as shit, and spending an entire day here, staring at all the small detail and hidden crannies for the shear educational benefits.  What can I say. I’m from B.C. where 90% of the population have smoked Pot and the other 10%…are lying. Some of the most interesting people I have ever met in my travels are the types that start their day by rolling a Bob Marley sized Cone. I wish I could be one of them but it just doesn’t work with my body chemistry. I guess I am stuck with good ol’ beer like a canadian caricature. Dont make me start singing RUSH songs.

 

When I first came to this property and started to poke around, my thoughts immediately went to, “Oh My Goddess! This place is THE EXACT ADVICE I would give to would be preppers with very limited resources!”  It was spooky. They were personifying an important C5 rule.

C5 Rule of Survival- Go Small or Go Home.          and

C5 Rule of Survival- If all else fails, lower your expectations.

And probably a bunch more I am missing.

But the BIG lesson I want to teach you is ways to get around zoning laws and building codes…and the big bad law wolf that wants to blow your house down to keep you poor, enslaved or heavily mortgaged…. To the balls….as the icy water rises. To the tits…now perky enough to take an eye out. To your blow hole. Very necessary to remain breathing. And as I am sure God would have asked Noah, “How long can you tread water ?”.

Now you saw a peak at My Old Bus Home in the previous post so you know how far I am willing to go to, “Avoid Imperial Entanglements”. These are not the droids, mortgages, septic fields, drilled wells and permits you are looking for.

I have been collecting ways to get around permits, inspectors and taxes for many years. These change from place to place…so ask a local redneck…or hippies…or redneck hippies. Ill share some techniques later.

drive by doc

You would miss it if you were just driving by. This is a woodlot like many others. Woodlots are cheap because they are not much good for anything other than logging every few decades and clearing them for farm land is brutally expensive. My jaw dropped when they told me how little they paid for this 90 something acre plot.

neighbour training doc

The only thing you might see is this. Mythos explained to me that it was “Neighbor Training”.

Now, you might think you are going to the country for privacy. Not so. If you want privacy and secrecy, stay in a city. In the country, everyone knows your business. You are not secret or hidden. People have nothing to do but gossip about you. People you have never met already don’t like you. You are a potential existential threat. Its going to take a LONG time for them to get used to you simply existing. If you are doing anything even slightly unorthodox, you are the talk of the town. So this was Mythos way of getting the neighbors used to the idea of seeing a bunch of tiny buildings instead of one big one.

Mythos and Logos way of skirting the law was to make a bunch of buildings that weren’t technically buildings. They were sheds. The genius of this plan for po’boy preppers is that it is modular. You dont have build or pay for it all at once. All you really need to not die of hypothermia is a building big enough for a bed to sleep on, a stove of some sort and a place to hang out when the weather is trying to kill you. The reality is that only heating a small space is way more resource realistic…especially for that day when the last chainsaw roar is heard. Hypothermia kills far faster than starvation.

After you get that down, you move on to the luxuries…like water or the ability to shit while sitting down….one tiny outbuilding at a time.

But lets just jump over to one of their masterpieces for providing social proof. This is their oven.

tiny hot 1 doc

tiny hot 2 doc

I saw alot of these down in south america. You may have seen it before as a pizza oven. Its usually shaped like a dome. I noticed Mythose and Logos had done some extra on it since I last saw it. They have added more cob mass on the top to store even more heat. This type of bread oven works by having a fire inside that heats the mass. Then the coals and ash are scraped out and bread goes in…but there is more. Pay attention. After the bread comes out, then the next round of cooking begins. The roastables.  When that is done, pots of beans go in to slow cook. One firing does alot of work. The building is just there to protect the stove and is a nice bright place for working bread and cooking out of the cold. And it is technically a shed so no inspectors required. Who the fuck needs a Martha Stuart Kitchen anyhow. If your wife wants to take out a second mortgage for kitchen renos…. this is a very good time to go talk to a divorce lawyer and start squirreling  away some hidden money…. for when the Relational Shit Hits The Fan.

tiny hot 3 doc

And this is what they are cooking with. Not chainsaw dependent LOGS but hand cuttable scrap wood that they need to clean up anyhow.

tiny hot 4 doc

The next is their Well House. That is not a term you hear much any more. A Well. With a house on it. This slows freeze up. More so because, you might notice the use of clear plexi to let the light in. Something you see a lot of at M&Ls place.

water 1 doc

water 2 docMartha Stuart can suck it. This is where you get water….and do dishes. No huge mortgage and divorce lawyer require.

water 3 docIts a hand dug shallow well, ground filtered from this. This is not a stream. With rain bombs being the new normal, I wouldn’t recommend living anywhere near a stream as a stream is just a raging river that is sleeping.  You see, this whole area was swampy. Two wet to do much with. So, they cut drainage channels…. by hand. Obsessive mother fuckers. Brilliant obsessive mother fuckers. I have some areas I need to do this in and I am not looking forward to that job.

Now, about those bathroom renos and divorce lawyers.

black gold 1 doc

Nope. Its not an outhouse…potentially polluting your drinking water. This is a composting toilet. Mining for black gold. You see, a forest is a lousy place to have a garden. Its a criticism I have about people advocating secret gardening in the forest… so the Guberment cant take your turnips. The forest is too acidic and the trees already ate the nutrition….so if you want to grow stuff, You are going to have to build your own soil from compost and adjust the PH with some wood ash.

And about that shower reno……. and divorce lawyer thingy…. I have another tip coming in the next round of C5 Survival Quick Tips and no, it is not a camping solar bag shower.

ass washing doc

 

 

Now, remember when I said they had a tiny house. It grew. One porch at a time. This is a Nova Scotia thing for getting around bylaws. They start with a tiny, government approved and inspected house….but the “Porch” just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

shed doc

In Mythos and Logos case…. it was a plot. First they had to train the neighbors and busy bodies. At first, It was just a hunting cabin. something common here. Bylaw usually only show up if their is a complaint. The trick is to not get a complaint. That can take some years. Then you can creep forward a bit. At this point, they could just sell it that it is a toolshed and barnlike workshop.

That is a trick from BC. Some people get around inspectors by building their cabin on stilts. That way, it is considered a mobile home. But the most devious way is to actually have a mobile home. Like an RV. That is officially you home. The bizarre building next to it is just a workshop shed. Wink Wink. It would be up to them to PROVE you live there.

In M&Ls case, first The Man would have to find the living space…in their tool shed.  And if they were forced to tare it down by court order…. they still have all their very legal outbuildings. Booya! In your face.

enter docIn the words of an old girlfriend of mine, “Would you quit with the damn foreplay and just Fuck Me, Already”. What a kinkster she was.

You enter the toolshed here. This is the very inviting, forward warm up hole (cough).

Now starts the REAL LESSON, grasshoppers. The back door, tight and tiny hole technique.

hidden docYou wouldn’t even see the house in here.

hidden 2 docWelcome to a tiny space that few people get to go.

O.K. Enough subtle, uncomfortable penetration jokes. I’m actually serious about this. If you only have a bow saw, ax or sharpened rock,….. and 6 months of winter….. you are only going to want to heat a very small space. Firewood will be your most important thing to do…and you are going to be WAY too busy running around doing the other jobs necessary to keep you alive for another year. Their wont be alot of time available for playing army man in the bushes.

Just making sure that it is sinking in that two people live here.

inside 1 doc

Its hard to get photos in here.

You see, M&L don’t really live here. Their lives are OUTSIDE. This is just where they go to be warm and dry. I know all about that from living in a van. An even smaller space than this. This is luxury. All from recycled material, logs, clay and straw.

inside 2 docAnd now for a Super Lesson, grasshoppers. Lets say you cant afford a woodstove. This, my friends, is a tiny ROCKET MASS HEATER. Way more efficient than a woodstove.

inside 3 doc

inside 4 docIt heats with small sticks. Not big logs that require a chainsaw and gas…or far more effort with a hand saw than you want to be expending during the, I got no time, apocalypse.

Now, I dont have time and space to teach you how a Rocket Mass Heater works. You are going to have to look that up yourself and study for a while. The short form is that it is not a smoldering fire like my woodstove. It is a quick, HOT and clean burn with a secondary burn in the heat riser chamber. This heats the room and the mass that releases the heat slowly. Most are MUCH bigger than this. This one is so cute and tiny. Look at that tiny inviting hole. Just makes me want to stick something in it. Oh ya baby. Talk dirty to me.

Mythos added, “I don’t leave the fire going at night. So, I never have to worry about dying in my sleep from a flew fire”. Both Mythos and myself have had flew fires. Its a wakeup call, how close we came to losing it all. This is because flammable creosote builds up in the stove pipe. It you have a stove but you didnt invest in cleaning brushes, or cant get up on your roof to clean it, its just a house fire that has already made up its mind but wants to surprise you.  I do it at the beginning of winter because I always procrastinate  in the spring…..and I do it mid winter to be safe. If not, By By all my preps.

Then, back out the door we go again to the dry place where all the tools and valuables don’t rally need heating. Tadalafuckingda!

back out doc

And about that kitchen reno and divorce lawyer thing…….  eventually, we are ALL going to need one of these. The second, outdoor kitchen. Its on my list of things I still need to do before I die. This is just outside the door.

kitchen docThe reason for an outdoor kitchen is simply that, during the warmer months, especially at canning season, a woodstove is going to grossly overheat your house and make the chore very unpleasant. Plus, Its covered for rainy days. Why stay indoors when you could have a view…and be listening for pesky ninjas.

So, next  question you might ask would be, “So, what are you go’na cook”

That would be too complicated for this post as they have alot of perennials and its the wrong time of year. But here is a useful start. This is one of a few of their gardens. Remember, this whole area was filled with blown down trees. They couldn’t walk through it. They had to buck up all of that stuff to get it out of the way. That is one reason this piece of land was so cheap…and like I said, 1, forests dont make good soil and, 2, it was very waterlogged. So, They raised beds and built their own soil by composting raw material. Its hard to see here but there is a walkway down the middle and little driveways cut in, so they never have to stand on the soil, compacting it. Everything is within reaching distance.

garden 1Then onto the next round of genius grocery shopping. The greenhouse.

greenhous1 doc 1But not just any greenhouse. It originally had windows but they took them out to use elsewhere.

greenhouse 2 docFirst, they put chicken wire on it for strength. Then they put on recycled, thick, greenhouse plastic. My guess is that it came from a collapsed…greenhouse. Go figure. Like that never happens.

But its not any old greenhouse.

greenhouse 3 docThis was kept growing all winter last year. How that was done is these special boxes. Underneath the layers of soil is fresh horse manure, often called hot compost. Its HOT from bacterial action. This creates the heat to keep veggies growing when its 20c below freezing, Biyatches.

 

So, Where does the man with everything go next.

All that thriftiness and recycling and permaculture expertise has paid off.  They have got a bit more money now…than them originally living on five thousand a year (That’s right, tough guys. You heard that correct), so no need to use recycled scrap lumber any more. No more pulling nails. They can splurge on some real lumber. Its time for an itsy bit better house, after all they have learned. But you might notice, it aint going to their head. Notice the recycled metal roof.

Remember in my first post, I went on a particular rant. If you want to impress me, dont show me your AR15. Show me your sheet metal. That would show me you actually have something to say.   https://darkgreenmountainsurvivalresearchcentre.wordpress.com/2017/04/18/survival-advice-from-south-america-part-1-the-arrival/

house 1 doc

cob 1docI’m showing you his cob bricks here. I also saw alot of this in south america. Mythos pointed out he has a short window here for doing cob so he did some in advance of winter and will continue when its warm and dry again. This is thermal mass. Its more than insulation. It stores heat. It should stop a 223 bullet as well.

cob 2 doc

roof 1 docOf course he has upgraded to this new fangled, sciency,  corrugated plastic that is supposed to be near indestructible. But there is a tip from observation. Snow melts off the darker version to the left with a teeny bit of sunshine, while the clear stuff to the right, not so much.

roof 2 docWho needs electric lighting in the day time. I’m curious to see what he does about heat loss.

And FYI, Mythos mentioned, this is only the modular, starter building. The sturdy frame. After it is done and they move in, they can start on the additions. A greenhouse on the front to capture solar heat, a dry storage off the side, etc. My “Building within a Building” concept. Added space insulation. This acts like a gortex shell over your house to shed weather instead of your walls having to do that job, badly.

proof docAnd I love this part of the property. Its hard to tell in this shot but it is very organized. Every thing is on pallets so its not rusting on the ground. My scrap piles aren’t nearly as good. I am going to work on that.  Try to keep it all in one hidden place. This is survivalist gold. In the words of the prophets,”You are a maggot, Max. Living off the corpse of the old world”. Yup, that’s us.

And this isn’t even the whole tour. And I lied about their being 99 adaptions…but I think that is enough Xmas presents for you. Don’t say I never gave you anything. So, I have shown you how to survive with Very little dough….or Mythos and Logos have. That is why I introduced you to them.

So, after looking at all this work (and its only just scratching the surface of what else is going on here) you might be asking yourself, “Am I actually tough enough to do this with almost no money?”.    Well are you, punk?

Are you REALLY tougher than a couple of Dredlocked Stoner kids from the streets? Really? The proof is in the puddin’.

These two make me feel like a mega slacker.

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Its The Reason for the Season. Do you know the Real Reason for all these assorted, mid winter celebrations. It comes from the Old Days. No. I’m not going all Pagan on you.

Fresh food storage from the year was starting to go bad. One last feast to build some body weight. You got together with your loved ones to celebrate that you had survived another year. And you were generous to those you cared about. One last hurrah party of excess…

…because you knew some of the people around the table would be dead by spring.

From starvation, malnutrition related illness and cold. The old days will be the new days again.

So maybe I need to embrace these celebrations after all. Its Retro Resilience.

 

Merry Fucking Consumer Holiday. We will be recycling some of that junk you just got on credit from your trash a couple of years from now… and we will put it to good use as survival supplies. I wonder if you will have actually paid for it by then.

Mythos and Logos have wrangled this Grinch into a Dark Green Misfits Holiday party as I attempt to get past all this stylized, merry happiness, Death Ritual.

Like any good Survivalist, we will spend hoopla holiday power watching The Road Warrior, Get supremely modified, then go hunting that Antichrist in the Red Suite as he tries to bring little plastic particles to all the good little boy and girl creatures in the sea. Think fast Santa. You sell out, corporate cock sucker. The creepy little NSA/CIA snitch has been watching us and is keeping a list.

So, Lets end this with some apocalyptic holiday music. If you haven’t heard this piece, Its one of the best pieces of music I have ever heard. The Cultural Icon. Patti Smith, covering Smells Like Teen Spirit….on a banjo. I can imagine huddling around a fire at Mythos and Logos place, after the crash, with a rifle on my lap, singing this song as a group,…

…against the darkness.

Thanks again, M&L

Stay tuned because the hits keep coming. Next up is the One and Only, Farmgal ! Farmgal ! Farmgal!!!

She is a Top Tier,  Heavy Hitter and she has agreed to take the gloves off and tell the prepper world what she really thinks….Here at The Dark Green Mountain Survival Research Centre.

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You all know where the tip stocking is hanging

 

 

 

 

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