Suckers. Nope. I’m not here to get my kink on or talk about sexual disfunction. I’m here to talk about the other wood.
“There is not enough liqueur and therapy in the world to undo that” Archer
With your host, Category5. Budumt dump, Ding.
It’s early winter. We all know what time of year this is, Right? Its time to start cutting NEXT YEARS firewood. For those even further ahead of the game than me, it’s really time to be cutting next, next years firewood, since the most efficient firewood has seasoned for two full years. That aint me. I’m rarely that far ahead… though I do have an extra years firewood in the barn in reserve. Its about 5 years cured. Its there in case I ever get injured, have a heart attack, the saw dies… or I die. MrsC5 will have an extra year to figure out what to do next. She has my permission to replace me as quickly as possible. And I recommend doing so. I am a pragmatist. A girl needs wood.
But before we get there…
I’m working on my Big, Big, Big article, C5 Defines The Adapters Movement- Acceptance and Triage. It will take a few months. Its my semi- thesis and I will be bringing in others to peer review it. Its the most I can offer the world. The blog is all down hill from there.
Re, over at the Doomstead Diner was pestering me, saying if I don’t get out an article, I’ll lose all my viewers. Fair enough. So… while I’ve got wood…I’ll slip in for a quicky.
We will do this in Two parts. The pre-collapse, Viagra, chemical assistance, wood getting.
Part two will be on post-collapse getting wood. Alot more manual assistance and…um…smaller wood. They say it’s how you use it… but I wouldn’t know.
If I may quote the U.S. Marine corp creed…
“This is my Wood Stove. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My Wood Stove is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my Wood Stove is useless. Without my Wood Stove, I am useless. I must fire my Wood Stove true. It must burn hotter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I will. My Wood stove is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its stove pipe and its cleaning brushes. I will keep my Wood stove clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will. Before God, I swear this creed. My Wood stove and I are the defenders of my country.”
What? That’s not what they say? Well, clearly they don’t know shit. And you probably shouldn’t look to them for survival advice.
You will notice, four of the rodent control Cats have taken up residence by the fire for the winter when they are not hunting.
Notice also, my use of metal shelves to increase surface use. Transportable hot water is also on the go storing excess heat, (not for canning. Don’t do that. We have other outdoor fire for that) Behind the pots are high density rocks. Also a store of movable heat. Wrap in a towel to be moved into bed or put under your feet. I have survived outdoors without blankets by sleeping on heated rocks. Notice paper and cardboard recycling. Its heaping by fall. Also notice the hand made cleaver and log buy the door for splitting kindling. We will upgrade this over the winter by putting some hooks in the ceiling and hanging removable chains. Into the chains will fit metal dowels. These dowels will hang drying laundry or food dehydrating racks. Very Tacticool, don’t’cha think.
While other useless “Survival Experts” are pawning Tactical shit that ends up in the back of the closet amoungst bad fashion choices, porn and sex toys you don’t want others to know about,(we all have them. I truly do like like…um…tactical gear. Very sexy) this is something that actually gets used and produces “Actual Survival”.
While others “Experts” are promoting Tactical toys and arguing about guns, I am the guy stepping up and going, Ehc-hem…
The Number 1, high ticket item in the top 5 must have items is…(envelope please) a Wood Stove.
I actually have 4 others as backup in various stages of disrepair. They will end up in outbuildings, including greenhouses. I will continue to collect them, when I find them cheaply disposed of as a store of wealth, far more tradeable than gold or silver during a real collapse. Who likes freezing to death. Its almost happened to me a few times. It blows. I don’t want to die that way
If you are not allowed to use a woodstove where you live… you have much bigger problems… that a bunch of tacticool stuff wont solve. Your First Prep will be to move.
If you live in an area where heat is not an issue… You have much bigger problems. See Florida and California at the moment. No sign of partisanship here. Both the right state and the left state will be ass fucked by mother nature with a HUGE strap-on. Also see Refugee caravans escaping climate change. Your FIRST prep will be to MOVE.
To my detractors, please move there. It’s a great buying opportunity at the moment. Its a good investment and will help secure your wealth and the future of your descendants. Beach front property is going cheap. Its just a fixer upper. Trust me.
Have I mentioned yet? C5 Rule of Survival- Never trust ANYONE that says, Trust Me ( I wrote a book about it that you will want to purchase. Trust me)
So move. If you do not get that, Just Stop. Stop reading me. I don’t need fans. Just stop.
Thus follows, The Number 2, high ticket item in C5’s top 5 must have items is…(envelope please) a quality chainsaw. (and a cheaper spare)
Don’t fuck around. You want a Stihl’s or a Husqvarna. I chose Stihl. Life is fill of compromises. I like compromise. Not in this case. Its ten times the cheap saws. Its pricey but not ten times pricey.
I expect push back. It’s part of the unpaid job. I don’t make money doing this.
A chainsaw is a short term, temporary, fuel based solution. I’ll cover non engine solutions in Part II. FYI, those wont include Ax’s and old logger saws. I’m not that shallow. There are smarter possibilities.
Though it is… a blue pill moment… in the short term, a chainsaw is indispensable. It does what no other tool can do. Even if you live in California in front of that fire storm, wouldnt you have liked to have cut all those trees and shrubs away from your house. Even if you lived in Florida, wouldn’t you like to be able to cut the trees blocking the roads or about blow onto your house.
That is sort of what I have been doing at home lately. I am cutting the problem trees. The ones that put me in danger. The ones that will become a future problem. And I am turning survival problems into survival solutions. Heat.
As a bonus, this year we started puling all the scrub wood and branches into the garden to be used for future Hugelkulture mounds, instead of burn piles https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H%C3%BCgelkultur . It hadn’t been an issue before. Water had never been a problem… until this summer. I got spooked. Now I wish to store ground moisture is hugel mounds. The waste branches, under garden soil, retain moisture for growing plants
Now this was only supposed to be a short, filler post. As usual, once I get started, its a long post. I haven’t even covered WOOD yet. I am losing my erection…proverbially speaking. You were expecting a part two….but instead, I think it best if I come back with a “C5 Gets Wood- Part 1 And A Half, Addendum… Touch wood.
One last thought before I go. Remember this? https://darkgreenmountainsurvivalresearchcentre.wordpress.com/2018/06/14/shtf-driving-or-c5-turns-a-honda-civic-into-a-truck/
What I am hear to report is that The SHTF Honda Civic has been totaled. We got rear ended. We are not injured beyond a few days of discomfort and shock and a few weeks of inconvenience and hardship.
I put that clip up because of the next touching lines from her confidant, while he was tending her wounds, as I sort of did to MrsC5 in her shock…
“Sabu is bleeding. She does not have this ox. This lion is hungry. She does not have this ox. This wagon is heavy. It does not have this ox. God is happy, Sabu. He plays with us”.
It seems the gods kept that vehicle alive, only long enough for me to write that article… and now it has served its purpose and went onto carbon collapse heaven. Go into the headlights. Go into the light
Speaking of Stoicism…. while MrsC5 was in shock and freaking out, I was able to switch mental gears and go “YES! We just won the lottery”. We were going to need the next disposable vehicle soon and the beat up civic would have returned no value to us except in parts for another civic. Instead, we get 2500$ for it. (civics hold their value)
We have upgraded to a 2009 Subaru Forester, manual transmission, since we don’t trust automatics on older vehicles. Supposedly, its the other option for reliability. I wont comment on that until we have had it for a few years.
FYI, back to back to back storms have been disruptive here for the last month and a half. The next hits tomorrow then again latter in the week. Climate change blows.
Now I better get out there to cut next years firewood. Tis the season. I am mainly taking out the trees near powerlines. Preemptive adaptation before the winds take them down. Im using thick ropes to pull the trees away from electrifying lines. ZAP.
FYI, The reason for the season is because….for anyone involved in their own food production… The spring and the fall are booked. There is no time for anything else. The lazy days of summer are too hot… for swinging a saw or hauling wood. You wait for the cool season. If you cut it early, it has a full year to season before you have to burn it again. And if you have to haul it… light snow has uses for moving heavy objects. See the photo at the top of the page, Get’er done before deep snow… and then again before ground thaw when it all turns to mud.
Because of recent crashy cost over runs, I hope you don’t mind if I cut my usual ending of saying, “All Tips go towards future experiments”. I have been honest and diligent about that. It’s been a long time since I just bought myself anything for my efforts though. I’ll keep this new ending until I finish my “C5 Defines the Adapters Movement” thesis. Then back to the “experiments” Tip Jar. If you would like to give a tip for writing services rendered, go to the top of the page and press “Giving just the Tip”. Always good for a chuckle