Twas the night before X-mas and Santa lay dead.
I’m in the garden with a shovel from the shed.
If only he’d heeded the No Trespass sign
this whole sorted evening would be left behind.
Ma’C5’s been puking and staring in shock.
But the one thing she knows is we wont call the cops.
Shakingly gripping a bottle and swigging
I set my will firm to a long night of digging.
With your Host, The Anti-Clause, Category5. Its gong to be one long and “Interesting” year.
My writing schedule is rather scattered as I am writing 3 articles at once… so I thought I would get on this a bit early… before everyone gets distracted.
We have a “Misfits Christmas” planned with a few others. Its more of a Christmas avoidance event where we will get messed up and power watch, Ash Vs The Evil Dead on Netfluff…if the internet stays up. What happens at Misfits Christmas stays at Misfits Christmas.
I’ve gotten off rather easy for the last few years in the New Years prognostication department. My predictions have remained “More Of The Same… With 2% Compounding Interest”. More Fires. More Floods. More Hurricanes. More Polar Vortexes. More Droughts. More Poverty. More Sword Rattling. More Mass Shootings. More Political and Corporate Malfeasance. More Extremism. More failing crops. More, More, More. How do you like it? How do you like it?
Strangely, this has been to counter the usual collapse commentators with a political or religious agenda and some connection to selling gold, guns and bug out toys to good little paranoid girls and boys. “Collapse! Oh No. This year for sure. I’ve got a secret insider from the elites in Government. Cant give his name but Trust me. Wake up sheeple….”
Etcetera, Etcetera, Yada, Yada. Buy my survivalist products.(FYI- some people have told me ads are coming up when you visit here. Just so you know, that aint me. I dont get any pull from that. Don’t panic. Its the cost of being on a free sight. I did the free WordPress part because I figured if I croke… It continues to stay up for a while for people to learn from what I have written)
Well, this year I am going out on a limb with a Silky Saw. Just for you fine sketchy folks, I am going to risk my reputation with some WOOP WOOP WOOP. Red Alert. Danger, Will Robinson, This is what you feared, predictions. By next year, this time, my reputation may be in tatters. I know what you are thinking. “Oh, you poor deluded C5. You think you have a reputation to protect.”
So, lets just jump strait to the one that affects your wallet. It’s not the most important prediction at all, but considering your credit card dept from the Holy Season of uncontrolled consumerist, Bacchunation orgy disguised as a christian recruiting tool…
…I’m calling Economic Collapse in 2019.
You heard me correct. It surprised me as well. I’m doing this in the same vain as when I called the 2014-15 commodities crash.
What I mean is NOT, gentlemen, start you engines. Bang! And we are off. Let the apocalypse begin. Grab your gun and bug out bag and go to live off nuts and berries and squirrels and long pork.
What I mean is that the next 2008 financial crash is about to happen… with all that this implies. What does financial collapse look like. It means you lose your job, your house, Your truck and wife…again. What were you thinking? Dumbasses.
I feel a bit bad about making this announcement. Earlier in the year, Farmgal gave me a call. She was worried about the economic near future, having recently had to make some upgrades to her ‘stead. I soother her with my belief that thinks were fine for about the next three years and the banking cartels probably have one more stupid bullet in their gun left to shoot at the next 2008 like event. Their just wasn’t anything screaming immediate collapse. Nothing more than the usual teetering shit pile that might fall over in any stiff wind.
Since then, I have changed my mind. And it shows in the stock market at the moment. People are starting to notice. But it’s not just one thing this time.
Only in retrospect can we look back at 2007-2008 and say it was the Derivatives markets and Mortgage backed securities. We woke up with the mother of all hangovers, doing the walk of shame home, wondering why your butt hole hurts and figuring it had something to do with the blacked out couple hours that are missing. Unfortunately you remember all the other sorted moments that led up to it and don’t have any cash left for a taxi.
I think I have confessed that I actually missed the whole 2008 thing since I was lost in the depths of the first few years of PTSD at the time. I was a wreck. My battle at the time was working hard not to hang myself, one day at a time, and trying to hold my seething rage in check, trying to avoid going on a vengeance filled rampage I would never be able to take back. Besides, revenge is a dish best served cold. I wouldn’t want to be my enemy.
It wasn’t until some time in 2010 that I was pulling all the threads together. I remember that awkward conversation with MrsC5 that went, “Honey. You know that thing I said was going to happen at some point. I think it is happening now…”. And goddess bless her cranky little heart, she believed me, we sold the house and headed to the farm to begin the process of Adapting.
Well, here we go again for round 2.. or 3 if you count the Commodities Crash as round 2.
But its not just one thing this time. Its the mother of all stock market bubbles, Boomer retirements and unfunded pensions, Trump, China, The Leveraged Loans, Covenant Lite fiasco about to blow up, Raising oil prices then crashing oil prices, again, Trump again, The derivatives thing hasn’t gone away and is still there, housing bubble 2.0, student loan default, harvest failures, yellow jackets and once again, Trump.
I actually wanted to give this warning a month to two month ago, a bit worried it would happen before I could get it out for the new years predictions. I actually chatted with some folks about it, if only to get it online somewhere. I was warned about doing so as this would add me tho the long list of false prophets of doom. Then again, if I got it right, people would proclaim me as the next geniusy genius guy. Well, this is the advantage of just being a foul mouthed miscreant with a sketchy lifestyle and reputation. No where to go but up.
I call 2019. All in. Balls on the chopping block.
Don’t make me show you my Christmas balls. I’m not above doing that.
Now, lets move on to the truly fucked up scary prediction. The BIG one to announce. Economic Collapse? Pfft! Who cares?
FOUR MORE BEERS
No. I’m not calling for Trump being re elected or not. Wrong 4 more years. I wont even touch that with a shovel.
Remember that Truly fucked up summer? How it came out of the blue with Apocalyptic temperatures that no one could ignore. Do you remember the shock of how fast the change was from the year before. Hottest ever non El Nino year.
Well, guess what? That level of shock will increase exponentially over the next four years. You will long for the good old cool days of 2018. Also, highest increase in CO2 added to the greenhouse as well. What could possibly go wrong. I’ll tell you. El Nino is back.
I know what we are all thinking. Didn’t it just end? Yup. Just ended. Well, what did you think was going to happen? Natural weather cycles are over. Done. Finished. Kaput.
You get 4 more years of Fucked Up Beyond Recognition heat related chaos before we can even get back to the regularly scheduled heat increases. And by the way, that also includes unseasonal cold snaps in odd places as cold air gets pushed out of the polar regions. So expect the anti science Denialist crowd to double down and get even lowder as the Koch Brothers shovel another billion into denial propaganda to keep the rubes buying their oil and hiring mercenaries. As the Mob says, “it’s just business”.
Sooo…. Crop failures. Its that time. Learn about shade cloth and garden canopies. Meat requires hay… and we certainly saw hay reduction the last couple years. Fires? You aint seen nothing yet. I’ll be concentrating on that around the doomstead for the next couple years.
Good thing Trudeau semi legalized pot. We’re gonna need it. As for me, I’m gonna need four more beers.
Those are the predictions that are more announcements than predictions, simply for those missing the news not paid attention to, from a guy that has no commitment to preserving the status quo and lying to himself to justify bad behavior.
The next one goes into the HIGHLY THEORETICAL category. I’m retracting my balls for this one… but heading out onto a limb farther than I usually go… if only because I left another beer there.
I’m predicting the BEGINNING OF THE END OF THE INTERNET.
Oh, ya, baby. Look Ma. No hands.
Now that is a prognostication out of the blue to make Nostradamus jealous.
I’m not saying the internet folds this year. I’m just saying you are going to begin to see a growing number of people saying, “This is not serving us. I don’t like what this is doing to us. In fact it is pretty darned evil, we have lost all our privacy, have become addicted and manipulated and controlled and……and…..and…..OK! Its fucking obviously evil with a side of evil sauce. Dystopian to the dystopian max. I’m Out!… O.K…. how do I get out?”
If you ever thought Vegans were annoying, just wait till you start hearing, “Fingers that swipe left shall not finger me”. You know what I am talking about.
I had planned to save this one for this article but had to use it in a previous article. I’m bringing it back for a second listen. Nova Scotia post punk band. Feel free to stop it and read the text.
I’m fully aware of the irony of having to tell all you Electro addicts, that have fallen in love with this blog, on the internet about the end of the internet, over the internet. There may be a god because nobody could make this shit up.
Now, this goes against the modern mythology of Progress and Millennials and Elon Musk and Steve Jobs and StarTrec and electric self diving cars. A few preppers get it, worrying about EMPs, solar flares or cyber attacks that could kill 90% of amerikaners. All real things and not to be scoffed at. If there is no internet, nobody knows how to ship food to the grocery stores anymore let alone keep a nuclear waist cooling pond running.
But what if people just stopped using it? Even a small percentage. People may have noticed (or not) the decline of what has been called the FANGs stocks. That is Facebook, Apple, Netflix and Google. A lot of people left Facebook or Crackbook this year. I never trusted it. They don’t have my photo on it. Not sure why I have it in my sidebar. The path less taken thang, I suppose
But tech stocks are based on growth to pay dividends and there is nowhere left to grow to. No growth means no dividends, uninvestment, bankruptcy and no one to keep the internet lights on. No internet, no dystopian corporate control state. Expect tax payer funded bail outs. The Tune Out, Turn Off and Drop Out crowd of mainly poor people that would rather use their money elsewhere, like on food, housing and heating, will be branded as “Socialists”. Let the Blue Line beatings begin.
I’m going to miss porn. Thanks for sharing. I’m a richer man today. I cant go back to tattered Playboy magazines. I just cant do it.
And BING! C5’s culturally inappropriate comment for the season. You’re welcome. Some folks like to receive. Others Serve. Merry Christmas. As Canadian Icon Red Green says, “I’m Pulling for you. We’re all in this together”
“Well, The holiday season’s frightful…and I guess I’m kind of spiteful…But as long as im making jokes. I’m your Hoax. Christmas hoax. Ho Ho HO”
Thanks, everyone for letting me spend a bit on myself instead of putting it all in the “For future experiments” Tip jar. I spent 40 bucks on silly tactical stuff from china on ebay. That filled my consumer envy hole. Then I felt guilty and promised to be more responsible with Tips for practical stuff. Only one or two more articles and we go back to the “For Future experiments” jar.
A shout out to RE at the Doomstead Diner, who, instead of a tip, decided to send a Billhook as a X-mas gift because we had been chatting about a billhook as being an important, European, pre industrial… and thus, post apocalyptic, wood getter tool, yet never got traction across the pond. It deserved Experimentation… in the DGM- Survival RESEARCH Center, category. I’m on it. Thanks
If you would like to give a TIP for writing services rendered, I’ll spend it on things that make me think of better ideas to think up. You can find the paypal link by going to the top of the page and hitting “Giving Just The Tip”. If you are new here…. I like to make fun of myself and my readers. Seemed fair. If you stuck around into the credits, you deserve some Xmas entertainment. How about the six million dollar man fighting bigfoot
(You will have to follow the link back to watch this one. Press were it says “Watch this video on Youtube)