C5’s Customer Appreciation Day

With your host, Category5. The Host-est with the Most-est


I just bought my first 3 products on Amazon, ever. This has left me feeling pretty DIRTY…. and not in a good way.

I don’t figure I attract a lot of theology wankers. You have got to be one brave fucking christian to stick close to me when I am in Jesus mode. True story. I remember one Pentecostal, tongues speaking cult, having a heavy repentance moment, on the street, because they thought I was an angel confronting them in the name of Jebesus.

It’s been a weird life.

Ya. I get it. Comes at night in a leather jacket representing the the poor and outcast and knowing more Bible context then easy readership entails. I would think it was Jesus myself. I have certainly met Bar-stool prophets before. They see into your soul and seem to know the future. Creepy as fuck and it screws with my epistemology.

Soooooooo…. I’ll throw a 20 on the table if anyone can explain that the biblical story of God destroying Sodom and Gomorrah, was not because of the whole anal rapey thing, but was because of what they did with their MONEY.

Ya. I know it is there but I aint doing your cultural homework for ya. On the whole, I’ll gamble with my life but not my money.


So, I am truly HONORED by those that have Trusted me with a donation. Hang on. I actually got a tear there… but I am forcing it back. I aint doing a fucking Jerry Farwell moment. Shit. I’m not an honorable person and I know it. Its been a hard life. Lets be honest. You are not here to listen to a hero. That aint me. You come to listen to a contrarian with some survival experience and the audacity to say things that will get me wedged into the perpetual lite readership category.

I’ve only got a small readership… but you keep coming back. I am TRULY HONORED. This outcast has something to say before he passes out of this world and people seem to want to hear it. Honored isn’t a strong enough word.

4624 readers visited the blog this year. My articles were read 9473 times. People stopped by from 69 countries.

That doesn’t include the much larger readership when my articles are re posted on other sites. That is always an ego boost.

OK. Enough blowing each other. Time to butch up.

Speaking of blow jobs….. I don’t write for women. I merely speak my truth, whatever inch dick, swinging in the breeze. My form of Feminism is handing you a gun and a chainsaw and saying “Keep Up! Your life depends on it”.

For some strange reason that I don’t understand, despite all the crude things I say on a regular basis as part of my shtick ….

Somehow…. a bit less than half my subscribers are female.

This is highly unusual. Most prepperdom is male-centric. Guns and BoyScouts and Manly Muscles. It’s really quite gay if you think about it.

Before MrsC5, I have been though 37 women. I can assure you Women are not our better angels.

Yet the gals are reading Respect…for no good reason I can think of. Go tits. I must be doing something right. I’m passing the female test.

My biggest supporters have been Permies.com, Bison Prepper and, of course, The Doomstead Diner.

Somehow, I have got Women, The Hippy Folks, The Neo Marxists and the Alt-Right, all backing my play.  Its a strange orgy of odd bed fellows. But it would be a sexy party with the right lighting in a Wicked Wanda sort of way.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wicked_Wanda

My guess is that it is a “The enemy of my enemy is my friend” thing.

Bison even put out a post over the Holidays… about me.

It read, “Okay, let us start out with waxing eloquently over The Green Mountain Dude ( click here, dammit ), a gentleman from Canada with an underrated survivalist blog that not enough people read. He is rough and course and pisses on all of the conventional “wisdom” that is prepping. And I love him for it.”

(Quick comment. I think I wrote an entire article with good survival advice… just so I could say “Douche Canoe” in public) Some of his readers will be miffed this year as I will be doubling down on a few things they don’t like. I try not to let my readers influence me speaking my truth.

It was nice to hear one of his commenters write of this site “His blog is top tier, easily top 5.”

I think I notices by the stats that the folks over at Resilience.org were checking me out… and eventually went “Noooop!….we aint touching that”. Well, I still appreciate the Post Carbon Institute, but I guess I wont be read by the Mom and Pop, average folks. Besides, I’ld be no fun if I wrote for the creamy middle.

Now, lets get onto some Adaptation, Prepper, Survivalist thoughts. Things that make us go “Hum”

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE DONE SINCE MAKING THAT  2019 PREDICTION? (that includes the economic crash of 2019)  https://darkgreenmountainsurvivalresearchcentre.wordpress.com/2018/12/18/c5-the-anti-clauses-2019-predictions-four-more-beers/


There is nothing more I can do. I have covered my ass as far as I can possibly go. Anything more… we cant manage anyhow. After the crash… looks remarkably like today… but with more work. There is absolutely nothing more I can do to be prepared.

OK. I cut more firewood… but I would have done that anyways. I’m just going to keep doing the pattern we have already been doing.

We will continue to grow stuff, build stuff, cut stuff, experiment with stuff and talk about it. I’ll still hit the big box store to buy underpriced food and eat it. I’ll still go to thrift stores and garage sales. I’ll still recycle other peoples usable garbage. I’ll still go to social gatherings and throw some events. I’ll still try to get a bit of money out of this blog.

Now, there is one thing I did. I decided to move the money that I had been ignoring in Paypal and  put it someplace I could get to it. MrsC5 and myself went “WOW”. There was 600 canadian bucks sitting there. I could actually do something substantial with that.

(before I forget, A big thanks, S.R., T.R., J.D. Also B.S., That was a heartwarming comment, “Please keep doing what you are doing. The Canadian perspective is vastly under served and you are more valuable than you realize.” Same to J.T. who said, “Enjoy something for yourself, but please keep on writing, even about mundane aspects of preparedness- I really enjoy your perspective”. J.T, You inspired me to write the Merry Last Tomato Day article. And how could I forget, my biggest fan and co conspirator,  Farmgal)


Sooo…. back to that buying 3 items from Amazon. Not THEE Amazon, that provides the world with…oxygen… and is being cut. No biggy. I mean the evil corporation vying for monopoly status while destroying the entire economy on which it feeds. Like Walmart but worse.

Yeesh. I need a wash. Not dirty in a good way.

But I bought three cutting tools and we will explore their usefulness in posts to come.

It also seems to me that the best way to use the money you have entrusted me with is to put a chunk of it into metal from the scrap yard. More than just buying more connedsumer products over the internet that I don’t need, I think I can kill two birds with one stone. Collect some metal that makes me more resilient AND gives me more things to build, show and chat about with you folks. Still, I realised I have to do something I swore I would never do on this blog. Product review. I hate when sites do that and call it prepping. I’m pretty sure, after 2008 that the whole economy was propped up by preppers going on a consumer binge. Feel safe. It will just be a few things that people haven’t thought of, ala, C5 style.

But having to do that dirty deed, it gave me a Jack Handy, Deep Thoughts moment.

John Michael Greer put this out and it got around  https://www.ecosophia.net/the-flight-from-nature/   I think the reason it got around was because it told people what they want to hear. Be the change you want to see. Basically, it said, if the left want to be taken seriously by the right, first they have to walk their talk.

Like buying from Amazon, this article left me feeling a bit dirty… and not in a good way. But not as he intended. The opposite. I felt the article was a cop out. You see, I have a tendency to point out all my hypocrisies. It was a theme I heard from others as well over the holiday partying. People were needing to speak that we are all hypocrites. It was effecting them.

The horror that we face, is that in our society, it is not actually possible anymore to be able to live a ethical life. There is no practical option left to do this. The best we can pull off is half measures… and that takes a shitload of self sacrifice. And doing so means we just cant compete with those that just dont give a shit. No matter what we do, the Douche Canoes come out on top.

The issue here is the Moral Damage being done to moderately good people trying to do the right thing and go about their lives. Trauma. Real damage to the soul. Moral Damage is a psychological term often used in reference to returning soldiers, often in association with PTSD. Its a major contributor to veteran suicide. People cant live with what they have done. Now we all find our selves there. We haven’t been given options that allow us to be good people. The further we get into this dystopia, the more self destructive we become.

Just my thought of the day. Meditate on that my young padawans. It’s why I can never be your hero and I would make a lousy Cult Leader.

Best we can do is prepare to surf the collapse. Adaptation. Hang Ten.

Some know I’m still working on my Opus Magnum. “C5 Defines the Adapters Movement- Acceptance and Triage. It’s slow coming… and I have been bogging down. It’s the problem with winter. It gives me time to write… but takes away motivation to write. That and I have never been good at the really long writing projects. I’m more of an intellectual sprinter  than a marathon writer. Being a slow, two finger typer, that chews over each word, doesn’t help.

The good news is that the rough draft is finally done. Next, it goes over to three trusted people to peer review it… and kick my ass if they don’t like what I said. Then I have to go back, re write… and start filling in everything else I left out. For those wondering what this is about, I am trying to create a third option as a counter to the survivalist and preppers movement, based on my experience in this subject going back to the 70s. A life’s work, chiseled down as small as I can make it. Since any artist is only as good as his next art piece, I figure the blog is all downhill from there. And like any good art… its going to piss some people off.

So, to all my Grasshopper readers that keep coming back for more of my Kung Fu…..

Without you, I’m just talking to the voices in my head like a mental patient.

Thanks for consuming a fortified, heaping bowl of C5


Here is some bonus reads since I didn’t come up with any good survival tips this round

From The Diner ( Geoffry Chia) http://www.doomsteaddiner.net/blog/2019/01/02/how-business-as-usual-has-been-pursued-since-2006-by-escalating-fraud-and-environmental-vandalism/

From Peak Prosperity (Adam Taggart) https://www.peakprosperity.com/blog/114677/2019-beginning-end-free-premium-report

From Resilience.org (Nafeez Ahmed)- others caught up with me saying the yellow jackets is all about EROEI-   https://www.resilience.org/stories/2018-12-11/brexit-stage-one-in-europes-slow-burn-energy-collapse/

If you didn’t read it before, I’ll bring this back. If you want something to worry about, this is it  https://www.businessinsider.com.au/leveraged-loans-cov-lite-central-banks-2018-10

If you would prefer to listen, Every time I chat about Demographics, I aint chatting about how Whitey is doing in comparison to my brown brothers. I mean this… and I have been following this story since the 80s. Coming right up. “Sell the house. Sell the car. Sell the kids”.

(I dont agree with his solutions- but he gets the magnitude)

And… if you would like to give a Tip for writing services rendered, hit Giving Just The Tip at the top of the page. Since you tolerated my E begging, you deserve some classic winter entertainment. Enjoy

Oops! I guess I have to leave comments open this time… since I put 20$ on the table. No cheating. Don’t go scouring the internet. Only if you already knew this to start with and can explain it. Comments stay open till I get bored with the idea.

4 thoughts on “C5’s Customer Appreciation Day

  1. I’ve done you a disservice. You and Jim Dakin differ profoundly about tribe…though both of you make good arguments. One of Jim’s values is that he pursues things to their unpleasant conclusions, regardless of his reader’s fe-e-e-wings. An example: refusing help to desperate people whose only crime is stupidity.
    He – quite properly – pointed out that you, living so way out in the Bush, may not be confronted with the heartbreaking situation of driving folks off. I should have thought of that…

    Keep up the good work!


    1. Yes, I do fully understand the traditional survivalist way of thinking on this subject and we will cover it at length very soon. Its also good to keep in mind that I live in a place that no one can hear you scream. A solo farm is impossible to secure. A principal I will be putting out soon is, Make Food First Again. Without industrial inputs, life becomes very labor intensive. One of my focuses is the ability to maintain a labor force. A labor force is also a security force. This creates a self reinforcing cycle. It also helps to maintain alot of what society provides today. Is it complicated and fraught with pitfalls? You betcha. But it is also a way forward. Its the traditional way we have always lived. Another thing to keep in mind. If the area you live is too dangerous, your FIRST prep would be to MOVE. Bison and I would agree on this.
      Thanks for the comment…and the readership


  2. Hey! I was thrilled to see the Annihilator make an appearance in your knife collection. Glad it’s still kicking. Also you’ll be glad to hear that I took your advice and am happily embedded in my local SCA community. Who got a bulls-eye on their first hatchet throw? I did!

    Hello to Mrs C5, glad to see you’re both thriving!


    1. Glad to hear it girl. I cant remember if I have even talked about that subject on this blog. I have been meaning to do the “C5 goes medieval on your ass, Redux” at some point. It deserves a remake. For those going “Huh?”
      C5 Rule of Survival- If you cant find, join or make prepper Community, no matter how hard you try… Join the SCA.

      It’s a ready made community you will find everywhere.

      Also, I really have been missing the west coast…or wet coast. All this cold is getting to us. Having my own small country is nice… but I miss british columbians and decent cantonese chinese food. My kingdom for a noodle house and a decent bar


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