C5 Says, If You Don’t Like Bicycles, Just Try Walking To Town- Part I


With you wheezing host, Category5.

Yeah, yeah. Another article from C5 on bikes for the apocalypse.

Sooo…. I DROVE into a near by city yesterday (45 minutes away)just because I was cabin fever, bored and needed a few u-bolts to build a roof rack for the car since I will be hauling recyclable salvage soon.

I figure that is a good place to start, just in case you think too highly of me.

Gas prices are up by a third. I expect it to raise further soon. Damn. I need to cycle my emergency gas storage again, soon. The roads were pretty empty. The country gas station was empty. A recent, scary wind storm had ripped one of the oil company signs down. Another week, another damaging storm. I’ve started to look into purchasing another old school bus on its last legs to wedge into a space in front of the house to act as a wind break against storms like this last one. To protect the house from blowing apart. To act as a future storm proof  greenhouse or refugee peasant housing. But mainly to protect the house. Welcome to the age of consequence.

Clearly, I’m not promoting this in some idealistic, we can pedal our way to saving the planet, way. Its only 10 A.M. and already, the population of the planet has increased by 94 thousand consumers. 25 million so far this year. It’s only Easter. Fertility rite celebrations and something about a zombie raising from the grave. Ironic prophesy. This does not end well.

And to think, that was considered scary police gear in the 70s.

Extinction Rebellion? Yellow Vests rebellion? Soylent Green Rebellion?

I really shouldn’t have faced the water filled potholes on our gravel road that someday will be undriveable and abandoned, while flooding is happening at the moment. Nor walk through a mall to get out of the week of rain only to be confronted with the absurdity of a line up of children that had been driven there so they could sit on the scruffy Easter Bunnies lap for a photo as an oil age rite of belonging.

Oh, look. It’s now 101 thousand on the population clock at 10:50. Growth is progress.

Either way, Gas prices will rise… until it crashes the breeders economy… again… then the price will drop…… again. Either way, the storms will grow in frequency and intensity.

People worry about the wrong stuff.

And your mixed media bonus is a podcast this time from Radio EcoShock… and more. Hard to get happy after this one. Make sure you stick around to the second half with Paul Beckwith. He is usually a bit too dull to listen to but this time he nails it.

The Burning Question

Either way, all this got me thinking about bikes again. My lungs aren’t great anymore… but, lets say I need another essential bolt… or supply of soylent green. Would I want to walk for a week, there and back, carrying camping gear with no room to bring back supplies. Or take a bike. Silly question. The Muggles will be enraged, that day when they have to face that they cant afford to keep their car to get to work… to simply live.

It might come out a bit different if C5 is in Mel Mode.

“Two days ago, I saw a bicycle that will haul that fat ass of yours. You want to get out of here? You talk to me.”

I keep a bunch of bikes dry. I guess its time for you to see them.


They are mainly reclaimed bikes bound for landfill. Hopefully someone will use them some day. At least during the times between the storms. You can pick them up over blown down trees. You can haul them up washed out roads. You may have to travel, starting before day break or by moonlight to avoid the heat, on solid recycled tires bolted on old rims that don’t turn, grip or stop particularly well… but it sure beats walking with a hundred pounds strapped to your back.

The bicycle. It should be a no brainer. Yet somehow it is not. No gas costs. No insurance costs. No job needed to keep it running. Human powered. Set it up right and it can haul cargo. It’s that simple. What more can I say, really.

It was the first item to be made on an assembly line to be mass produced. We almost took this path as a species. Almost. Instead, we chose to use up a one time in the lifetime of a species, ancient energy source from the bowels of hell.

So. It’s now noon. 112 thousand people increase.

I took lunch. Ate a can of  Chunky Clam Chowder from the food storage that I got on sale for 1.50 canadian. I hope the clams came from the Atlantic instead of the Pacific. I’ll take mercury over that Fukushima glow. Who knows where the metal for the can was dug up. I think it was canned way out in Ontario. I’m finishing it up with a rare treat. A banana. The not visually perfect with brown spots, from a big bag for 2 whole bucks. Shipped in from some banana republic, enslaving mystery brown people, kept in line by military powers. A multi national corporation using your tax dollars to be evil because they bought the right people into government. Dare we call it slavery to DOLE out this banana.

Either way, that was one Diesel heavy lunch. In case you have never had this explained to you before, gasoline is just the byproduct of diesel production. What they would just be burning off anyhow. Electric cars will not save you. You would have to solve the diesel problem first, that does all the real work of getting food to you. But thats not the real problem.

It’s 1:20 P.M now. We are at 124 thousand people increase.

I’ve got another Yuppy Prepper here. At least he left the city to Make Food First Again. But the only reason I am bringing it up… is because its another rational, non dickish prepper coming out of  the anthropomorphic global warming closet. Also a trained biological scientist.


Well, I guess we will be doing this as a series. Next episode, I’ll explain why North American designed, Chinese produced bicycles… SUUUUCK!!!! A victim of ideology. You get the uncomfortable bike you deserve.

Its now 2:40 PM as I wrap this up. The doomsday clock says the world population has increased  by 140 thousand budding new consumers and climate drivers.

47 thousand since I started typing.  That is almost two new cities. Just like that, while I sent you Adaptive Survival advice. 9 more hours to go. The wind is picking up again.

He has risen, indeed.


Hang on. Don’t go anywhere. We got Farmgal.

RE from the Doomstead Diner contacted me and asked me to get in touch with Farmgal for an interview. Its now posted. She is the real deal and I am proud to call her my friend. I haven’t listened to it yet.

You can listen and read HEAR-

FarmGal – Just Another Day on the Farm

To digest after your Easter Sunday (oil heavy) meal.


No more for a few weeks. I need a break.

If you enjoyed this article or learned something new, please give a Tip by going to the top of the page and visiting ¨Giving Just The Tip¨. All Tips go towards material costs for future Experiments, here at the Dark Green Mountain Survival RESEARCH Centre.

(Thanks JD for the tip)

…….another 5 thousand bodies since doing this epilogue…….

(edit at midnight- 224 thousand added to the day. Same tomorrow… and the day after that and the day after that…. )