The Freedom Truckers Edition. Condoms give you HIV, And C5 Eats 10 Year Olds

With your, three shots in, Host, Category5.

Oops. That should read, “C5 Eats 10 Year Old Spaghetti”.

Lets get the, Surviving The Apocalypse, advice out of the way first in case you get bored or distracted by a sensational news titles and wander away.

If you have 20 bucks in your pocket….. go buy 20 packs of spaghetti.

That’s a lot of spaghetti. Unlike a lot of survival food out there, you will most likely eat the spaghetti.

What brings this up is that we just cracked open a 10 year old bucket of properly sealed in Mylar, spaghetti, cooked and ate it with no discernible difference.

And…. We had a chimney fire last week….. And we picked up another bus for future housing before the snow closed the road in… And…

….And I hadn’t really been outside or talked to anyone other than MrsC5 since X-mas… until I got my Booster shot a few days ago.

(Three shots in. Bwahaha) and I am still not magnetic, haven’t been killed by Agenda-21, nor been tracked, abducted and anally probed by aliens at Area-51. Last time I checked, there didn’t seem to be the number of the beast on my wrist, forehead or bung hole.

I have wanted to FUCK anti-vaxxers though, so the jab must have made me gay after all.

I figure all this was grounds to write an article. Me needing to talk to another human being after almost a month in isolation means you get a bonus article with some Survivor/ Adapter skills and real life experience from C5 on the Dark Green Mountain, future Ninja Fortress. Hold that thought. My cabin fever is your gain.

Trust me on the spaghetti.

This may be the only way left to fight Covid.

I figure I will let you sit with that comment for a few moments.

I had this photo taken because there is actually three Adapter skills in this one photo… besides the “Do not antagonize C5. No good can come of it” Rule… and C5 has been feeling antagonized lately.

The first Adapter skill- The attitude you see in that photo is the appropriate attitude when dealing with Biological Terrorists. IE, The Great Unmasked Masses whining about their freedums.

Havent you heard? Freedom isn’t Free.

Adapter Skill number 2.

Some people don’t have access to fire arms, it’s grossly inappropriate in their living situation or… they don’t want the responsibility of keeping a fire arm safe.

Fair enough. The RESPONSIBILITY side of Rights and Responsibilities.

Finances might also be a consideration considering where we are in history.

But they still want to defend their home and ask what to do.

The photo above is the answer I usually give… and it is from real life experience. It gives you options. A non lethal, primary option, backed up by a lethal option if the non lethal fails you. Your first option should always be non lethal. Less legal costs… or shoveling time.

If Lethal is appropriate, best to hit them with the spray fist. You are much safer if they are having trouble seeing what is just about to happen next. If you find yourself on the receiving end of overwhelming force, fire off the spray as you run away, for the same reason.

Ninja smoke bomb.

You will also notice I took that photo in a very narrow hallway. That was on purpose. That’s for if you find that you have to “Clear” your home. Slowly and deliberately checking every corner until it is “Secure”. Adding a headlamp to that arrangement is also recommended as it keeps you Hands Free.

Bear spray. Machete. Headlamp. Safety glasses in case of back spray. You can pull all that off for less than a hundred bucks if finances are an issue and/or you are going for budget options. Chances are, you already have most of that. If the machete seems too icky to you, consider a hammer

Two days after the jab, I turned to MrsC5 and said, “I’m taking a mental health day”.

By that, she knew I meant I just had to get off the doomstead for a while. Damn the cost. There is only so much netfix any man can watch without snapping.

I had a plan. I decided I must get more spaghetti.

I’ld been formulating this plan for months

I didn’t say this out loud. MrsC5 had already said, “Don’t get any more spaghetti”.

Better to ask forgiveness than permission. Sure. It seemed absurd. We are now awash in years worth of spaghetti. We had plenty in the pantry even before I cracked that bucket. One of the years goals was to eat lots of spaghetti. It’s good to have goals.

I didn’t need Spaghetti. What I needed was Spaghetti 10 years from now… the next time I would have to crack open a properly stored in Mylar, de-oxygenated, food grade bucket.

I also wanted to teach my crew, new comers and old friends… and YOU, how to do this properly… while supplies are available.

More importantly, I wanted to teach you WHY. Nobody’s first thought during the apocalypse is “I must defend the spaghetti at all costs”

That, and I REALLY, REALLY needed to do a Recon run so see, first hand, how bad the supply chain issues were after a month in isolation. Close to a month more before X-mas as well. That, and walk around in climate controlled comfort while it was Minus 20c outside while getting a read of just how stupid the locals are at the moment. (hint. Recon say’s….., “pretty stupid”)

Two plus years into the pandemic, everyone seems like the intro to Shawn Of The Dead… but now with ill fitting masks.

Yah. Exactly like that

So…. I went out into public looking like the ninja photo above.

Oh. Not with the heavy armaments. Well… maybe some.

I mean the combo of THAT half mask respirator and now safety goggles. That is NOT overkill. That is the absolute MINIMUM when walking into a Hot Zone.

And THAT is the Third Adapter skill from the photo I posted above.

Any big store you go into at the moment, there is an almost 100% chance Omicron or Delta is floating in the air. It’s a Hot Zone.

And as usual… I’m the only person in this small city wearing the proper gear. Everyone stares at me while trying not to stare.

One person insulted me but I didn’t realized he had insulted me till he was too far away for me to respond. The cowards insult.

A Beta male anitivaxxer forced to wear a mask to keep his dehumanizing minimum wage job in this store and looking for someone to strike out at.

By the time I realized I had been insulted, it just seemed too inconvenient to chase this dummy through the grocery isles for a beating with the first can of soup I could grasp.

Fast forward to the wallmart. An employee looked up at me from stacking the shelves in an isle I was working my way though to decide what was missing and he decided I was worth engaging with.

Like any minimum wage person actually wants to talk with you?

East Indian fellow. Second Gen hindi if I called that right. Like it should matter… but strangely it does. He said, ” That’s the right mask. That’s what we should all be wearing”.

I had to talk really loud to be heard through the mask, like a Marine Sargent.

“Thank you. I had the gear before all this happened because it was obvious (so fucking obvious) going to happen”.

He gave me the, “We’re all in this together” nod of approval to disengage the conversation politely so I could go back to evaluating all that was missing on the shelves.

MrsC5 had given me a list. One of those was to stock up on Rice Krispies. After 3 stores it became clear there wasn’t a single box of Rice Krispies in this entire city. No big loss. I wasnt counting on rice krispy marshmallow squares during the apocalypse. No Caramel spread. No biggy. It was only a craving.

BUT…. The third local big box store I went into was out of all pasta. That was a shock. SuperStore had plenty but at inflated prices. Wallmart had plenty and was holding close to last years price. Big, locked in contracts and all that. I’m not trying to pass this off as the Great Spaghetti Shortage of 2022. Just supply chain disruptions and a lot of people off work because they are sick…or dead.

I Know what you are thinking. “Only C5 would obsess about SPAGHETTI”.

But THIS is the Survival Research part of Dark Green Mountain Survival Research Centre. This experiment was started long before DGM-SRC.

I had done an experiment ten years ago to the month. It was a risk. I had decided to use chemical Hand Warmers as the Oxygen Absorbers when sealing up the Mylar Bags instead of the traditional oxygen absorbers. Inside The Box, traditional conservative survivalist thinkers freaked when I brought this up, as did the “Religiously Nutritionists” saying, “Why would you store dead Calories”. I explained, “Nutrition is easy to get. Any forager or gardener can get nutrients. High calorie carbohydrates? Not so much. You can eat all the dandelions, sprouts and kale you want but still starve’. The same advice went out to the “I will hunt and trap like our forefathers did” crowd, as it still needs to be heard by the younger “We must return to being nomadic hunter gatherers” crowd. I had to explain the Human to Wild Animal ratio. Once again, mammal numbers on the earth at the moment are 60% livestock, 36% human and 4% wild.

The Earth is full dude.

But there is lots of spaghetti in the world and it is grossly undervalued when you consider the calorie cost of growing, harvesting, and processing it yourself. And based on this experiment, it stores well. So. If stored without oxygen, I got 10 year old spaghetti with no discernible difference. No rancidness. No extra cooking time. No taste or texture difference.

I’m spitballing here but I think I am comfortable with the idea of it having been able to last a decade longer than the decade it already had already sat if I hadn’t opened the Mylar. Experiment Success.

Your welcome.

The reason for spaghetti over other more grown ups noodles is simply that it is the most tightly packed for space requirements and least oxygen around the noodles to be burned off with the hand warmers. I used three hand warmers for the bucket. Mylar bags can easily be found on Amazon at the moment.

I added the soup can there to point out, this is a pretty cheap way to feed several people a high calorie meal after they had just burned a lot of calories that day on the hard jobs of survival. Gardening. Harvesting. Hauling firewood. Walking or biking. Digging. Building. Carrying. Any can of cream soup will do, as a white sauce. Faux Alfredo.

Add your wild forage, garden veggies, canned, smoked or fresh meat and fat to fill it in. Also remember, spaghetti goes into any stone soup to turn it into noodle soup. Home canned or re-hydrated tomatoes go on high calorie spaghetti. Well, Duh.

Sometimes we all just miss the obvious and simple. I don’t own a single package of expensive, freeze dried “Survival Food”. Not one. I have 2 similarly aged MREs but only because they were given as gifts. MrsC5 opened one recently and found a third of the stuff in it had gone bad.

I own 6 #10 cans of beans and lentils from a “Survival Store”. I regret this purchase but I was less experienced at the time. For the same price, I could have filled 3 or 4 big buckets and been far more certain that the job had been done correctly because I could observe the mylar bag to see if it was still holding its suck, showing no oxygen had gotten in.

I put that random piece of wood on the bucket photo above, as an ironing board, to help a new comer that has never heard of this before, to help visualize the process.

I was intimidated the first time I did this but after the first success it seems simple.

I add one extra step to the old way of doing this task wich we will get to below.

Be gentle filling the mylar bag so not to damage it. A scratch or pinprick ruins every thing and you have to start again with a new bag

Fold the bag over the piece of wood and use an iron to gently seal it. It melts itself into permanent seal

Here is the extra step. I only iron about three quarters. Then I open, shake and immediately drop in the hand warmers.

Then I use a vacuum cleaner and its hose attachment for that bonus suck to get as much air out of the package before those hand warmer/oxygen absorbers even begin doing their job.

I then slowly pull out the hose attachment while ironing closed the quarter we left open to add the hand warmers.

Then label and date the bucket so you don’t forget what is in it

Hang on. let me get the camera out again. The things I do.

That is another 10 year old bucket. Notice the vacuum suck is still intact a decade later. That is what you are going for. Speaking of which, you should wait for a week before sealing on the bucket lid just so you can check up on it to make sure the seal held.

Inside that bucket is the cheapest of all cheapest stored carbohydrates. Animal grade wheat from the feed store. We are in fucked up shape if I feel the need to open up that bucket and ground it into flour for not very fluffy biscuits. (less gluten in small kernels)

I’ve had a few people tell me they bought a bunch of whole wheat flour at the beginning of the pandemic but they were surprised it went rancid within months. If they had talked to me first, they would have known that would happen. The only way to store whole wheat flour is in the freezer. The only way to store flour without a freezer is in the form of… wheat kernels

So that is why I am so happy to report to you the spaghetti worked. It just seems less hassle and doesn’t require you to substantially change your pallet…. like learning to like kale. Yuck.

Now. About this point, I am hoping you are thinking, “I cant believe C5 actually did it. He pulled off an entire article about…. spaghetti. I didn’t think that was possible. Honey! Buy 20 bucks worth spaghetti next shopping trip. Yes. I know that’s a lot of spaghetti….damn that C5…. and can we order it instead of going into the store?….”

OK. I didn’t think it would take up that much of the article… but here we are. Plus its just fun to say Spaghetti so many times in the context of surviving the break down of western syphilization.

9 out of 10 Preppers surveyed say…. You Are Here. Ding Ding. SHTF is in the rear view mirror.

Speaking of Syphilization……

The new catch phrase is “Endemic” or “We are entering the Endemic Phase” or psychotically “I cant wait to get to the Endemic phase” or sociopathically, “We should as a country just learn to live with Covid”.

My view of humans has never been lower. Never Been Lower. That’s saying a lot. It’s why I have never really left behind the religious Doctrine of Inherent Depravity. It’s what I observe. Given the chance to do the right thing, humans will always chose evil at some self deceiving level.

Lets make sure you heard that right. “Endemic”. As in “Permanent”. As in “It will never go away”.

“Endemic”…. as in like HIV/AIDS or Hepatitis A, B or C…. except it’s AIRBORNE

I believe I warned you all about this at the beginning of the pandemic. “Expect 3 to 5 more years of this, and that is only if it doesn’t become ENDEMIC”

Looking back, I was grossly optimistic.

People made a suicide cult choice of embracing Endemic.

The logic of the suicide cultists seems to be… “Condoms cause HIV”, and they are fighting for their Freedom and Constitutional Right to fuck crack whores without a condom. This makes sense to them.

‘Never Been Lower.

I find myself repeating the line from Fight Club, “I want to put a bullet in the brain of every panda that wont screw to save its species”.


With your, 4 shots in, host, C5. Who am I kidding. 6 shots.

When I sobered up, that just seemed too obvious. I’m sick of having to talk about this subject and you are sick of hearing it… so no one would bother reading it. (as it has by the lowest number of readers of any of my posts)

The reason I was six shots of rum in was I had just watch a video of another popular ati-vaxxer in the hospital with Covid and on oxygen, between gasping calling for civil war and that he was glad he didn’t get vaccinated…. and wait for it… The reason that he got Covid was because of ANTIFA.

Wow. Just wow. How does one cope with this level of insanity around them? The world has moved into the contagious MADNESS phase.

And here is where that psychosis logic is taking people. They are out protesting because they are feeling persecuted, because it it a Right for them to fuck crack whores without a condom. HIV isnt real and a conspiracy created by Big Rubber. If it is real, our children need to reach heard immunity by getting Hep-C and for some reason the Local Orgy wont let us in. They say if we fuck crack whores without a condom, which is our God Given Right, as is our Right to fuck in the Orgy because it is a public event, and testing gives you AIDS, That the sign on the Orgy door saying we cant come in is a violation of our constitutional, God given rights and if they try to stop us, we will have a civil war to take back our country. Orgy is a right! Our Bodies, our selves! No to condoms!

As I sit here, Writing this, I realize I can, with confidence, declare that we have entered the beginning of what was once called The Dark Ages. The medieval period that came about after the fall of Rome and nobody alive today or the next few generations will ever see the end of it.

You are here.

Contemplate how long the Dark Ages lasted for and all the nasty little thing that happened.

Et cetera. Et cetera.

Since the New Dark Ages has begun and we are surrounded by a plague of madness, the only way to cope and not go mad myself… is to keep working on things like this.

This is the space some Madness and Plague avoiding refugee will have to work with to turn into a home. Luckily the bus came with a Wood Stove so that’s one less thing to need to buy.

A trusted Crew member sent us a link to someone selling this, saying, “I cant afford this at the moment but I know you were looking for another bus and the diesel engine is highly sought after. If you purchase it, I can probably find someone to buy the engine to get most of the money back”. Done.

It will have to wait to go into its permanent position once the ground dries up next summer and gotten up on blocks.

I showed it to another couple in the Crew, explaining its future location placement. “Basically, what I am doing here is Circling The Wagons, or using the these housing structures to create castleing. Not just against invaders but also wind blocks against super storms. It keeps everyone close so people cant be picked off or preyed a pon because the are alone.”

“It also seems that I have accidentally re invented the Post Apocalyptic Cul-de-sac”

She broke out laughing because it had been what she was thinking and couldnt believe I said it out loud.

He started pumping his hand in the air, chanting “Compound! Compound! Compound!”

I do chose my friends based on their dark sense of humor and ability to not take themselves too seriously as we learn to face that all of these ridiculous things we are building together are no longer ridiculous in the slightest…. and that in itself is…. ridiculous. Funny, Ha Ha, and Funny, Strange are no longer exclusive

You might have noticed famous people have been dropping like flies the last two months.

Meatloaf died a couple weeks back. I thought that very existential and figured I would toss one of his songs into the DJ-C5 cue.

Who could ever forget Meatloaf playing the roll of Bob in the movie, Fight Club. As in, “Bob. Bob had bitch tits”. That Bob.

But my intuition was nagging me so I thought I should google it first.

Nooop. Bob was just another anti vaxx, anti mask dipshit that killed himself by being just another biological terrorist responsible for upwards of 17 million deaths…. because, “Masks make my nose itch” as his excuse for mass murder.

And he called people yelling at him put on a mask to not infect them… Nazis.


The line from Fight Club that comes to mind is when they were all standing over Bob’s dead body outraged that “Those fucking cops shot Bob”. Edward Norton exclaims in exasperation, “You were running around in ski masks, blowing shit up! WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?!”

“I am Jacks complete lack of surprise”

Well,…. Like A Bat Out Of Hell… he was dead when the morning comes.

Fuck ’em.

Instead, this song kept coming to mind. It goes out to the Gals and Guys of Collapse that put in the hard work preparedness and Adaptation… and are feeling the same as me.

You most likely heard the tune in the 90’s but might have missed the lyrics. No body thinks of BJORK when thinking of prepper songs…. but, boy, do those lyrics ever apply to today.

“Your on your own now. We wont save you. Your rescue squad is too exhausted”

That was a bit tinny so why not put in a cruncher remix

That cut off a bit early but worth it just for the Epic cover photo.

A bit of motivational music for those considering whether it’s time to get their Ninja on.

Hum….Decisions. Decisions.

Your bonus reads.

If you are looking for another decent Collapse writer, like Umair, I’m finding Jessica Wildfire worth watching.

You might also want to read two articles from my archives,

I’ld also recommend reading The Slow Crash from my first year of this blog. It was a priority to me to get this post into preppers heads to modify how they look at collapse.

and as an afterthought, just in case you missed it…

And once again….

….Trust me on the spaghetti.

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